ThisModernLove

On Giving Up.

2010-09-23T18:46:00.002+01:00

Something I have given a lot of thought to, is the wish that life was something you could give up experiencing, and just observe, like the tougher levels on a computer game that you can't crack, so you pass to your sibling to finish instead. I yearn with all consciousness to just be able to say, when one realises that they can't feasibly carry on, 'That's it for me, actually! I'll opt out, if that's okay', as if life was a particularly tough game of chess.

Not suicide, though. Admittedly as a young 'un who still very much believed in God and Heaven and the possibility of an afterlife, the idea of suicide was an attractive one. When things got too much, I could just pop myself off and watch things unfold from above. But now, unfortunately I guess you could say, I am freed of such beliefs, and I'm stuck for a way out.

Because I cannot cope now, and by all indication that isn't going to change. I long so much for independence, but my Mother still has to send me emails telling me how to divide my money so as to carry on surviving. I'm never going to understand the world of bill payments, rents, direct debits, and why I have to wait until the 18th to repay LeakyCon, and I've had to realise* that after recovering from a series of very serious illnesses, she may not be around much longer.

So then what? I can't keep relying on friends, and in any case I have a habit of driving them away. I'm useless at relationships, particularly with the kind of people** that could actually help me sort my life out, and as such I have since given up on trying.*** I'm fucked. Absolutely fucked, and there's nothing I can do about it. I simply will never be able to cope with the pressures of adult life.

So what the fuck do I do?! Maybe I could become a convict, and spend a life in prison. Or, as celibacy is something I am set on anyway, maybe a hypocritical, self-loathing life in a monastery is something I could consider. Bah! Answers on a postcard.****

*Actually had to. My Mother has always been blunt.

**Usually women.

***Yes! As of the 22nd of September, 2010, I am now celibate and swear off all future relationships. If you wish to place bets on how long this will last, please speak to any of my flatmates.

**** Or in the comments.

Goodbye Moreton.

2010-08-08T07:11:00.000+01:00

In a little under three hours I shall be leaving my childhood home for what will hopefully be the last time, to move into a house in Kingston where I now live with five other friends. I have no doubt that I shall spend time here again, when I inevitably run out of money, but it won't be the same. My room will no longer be my room, even for the fact that it no longer contains my piggy bank. It will take on that peculiar feeling that rooms that used to contain children always do, the trinkets on the windowsill and indentations in the walls mere sad reminders of the happy times spent there.

The word 'RIOT' written in deodorant stain between two posters in a moment of Paramore-inspired anger. The burn on the window-ledge from teenage smoking. The covered-up burn mark on the floor from a pyromanic moment. Amongst the poetry scribbled on each wall, a dedication in blue from the one time I had school friends over to my house. The pockmarked walls from seventeen years of postered dedication to whichever band held my heart at that time.

I recently threw out a battered pair of shoes, the kind you could well imagine turning up in a poor angler's unsuccessful efforts, and before I did, I spent a little while remembering what they'd seen. From the day I bought them with, best friend approved, after a day at the beach before signing on, to the last rainy day when their holes became too much, their day-to-day use saw one of the most important periods of change in my life. So what then, has this room seen?

It's seen me grow up from an optimistic youth to the melancholic pessimist I am today. It's seen a myriad of friends, girlfriends, constants and flows. It's seen happiness. Pure, childhood happiness at the joy of LEGO, happiness at the first time I tied my laces by myself, played a song through, finished a computer game, finished a book, film, tv show, finished a video or a blog post. It's seen tears: Tantrums, depressions, worries. The first time I was dumped, the end of Gladiator, the end of Harry Potter, and tears that weren't mine: When my girlfriend crashed her car, arguments with my best friend, my Mom crying on my shoulder. It's seen laughter, excitement, despair, ecstasy, shame, and bewilderedness.

I was in this room that I discovered Twitter, found the joys of the internet. This room that I discovered John Green, in this room that I heard him read the commencement speech that would kick start a period of change that continues daily today, and in this room that I first decided to act on that.

I've lived in this house since I was two, and consider myself uniquely experienced because of it. Leaving a house that has seen me learn to read, write and get dressed is going to be tough. The only reassurance is that soon I will move into a fresh, new house, with new memories to make. New laughs to hear, new fights to worry about, new places to feel life.

It was in this room, sat exactly where I am now, listening to the same song I am now, that I first made this blog. It's nothing like I planned it to be: It's not famous, it's not candid, and it's not about sex. It's hardly worth reading, really. I recently found out that the one steady reader I thought I did have isn't as committed as I believed. But I guess that's fine. Maybe one day it will be something big, but until then, like the crack in the wall against which I lean now, it can serve as a reminder of all my short time on this earth has come to be.

Throw your arms around me.

xo
gb

Why I love my friends:

2010-07-27T02:03:00.004+01:00

Ricky: So, after the first day of competition....who are you favouring?

Me: What?
Oh
I think the Irish really have a strong chance again, man.

Ricky: I'm still rooting with the Irish

Me: Moran's better than ever, and Mullet may be getting on a bit, but he's still bringing in the points.

Ricky: Who can discount the Bulgarians though....Krum is still a force to be reckoned with

Me: True, but I think they've had their day, to be honest. I don't think they'll make it past the semis.

Ricky: How are you feeling the French this year?

Me: I don't think they'll make it past that match with Sweden.
Had they been drawn against, say, Italy, first, I think they'd have had more of a chance,
but I think Sweden will dominate them, and they won't really recover.

Ricky: A lot of the Scandinavia have some good representation this year

Me: They have.

Ricky: Finland are looking really strong....some really attractive Quidditch being played there.

Me: Yeah, they've gotten really good in the past few years. That win over Chile in the Qualifiers was fantastic!

Opening ceremony was as spectacular as ever..

Ricky: Wyrd Sisters...on key as per usual

Me: They're so consistently great.
Bagman went on a bit, though..

Ricky: How he worked his way up to Minister for Magic I don't know.

Me: Appalling decision. I mean, true, Fudge's second term wasn't much better, but at least he knew what he was doing..

Ricky: Fudge was always going to haunted by the war....and the fact that he was the man that let Voldemort come back.
He made a good fist of it when all's said and done.

Me: Yeah, but Bagman? I think that'll go down as THE example of a protest vote gone wrong.

Ricky: Yehh but it was him or Umbridge....who would you rather see there....it's a no brainer mate.

Me: Haha! You don't lie.

I think the whole Ministry needs a good overhaul. People seem to be pretty enamoured with that Potter guy, but I'm just not big on celeb politicians.
I think Longfoot could do the job, though.

Ricky: Potter should stick to catching the snitch. If he'd stuck to that and not gone sticking his scar into politics then he'd be leading this England squad.

Me: He would! What do you think of our chances, then?
Knocked out by Japan again?

Ricky: We'll never win it anyway....shows what you get for appointing that bloody Italian wizard as coach

Me: Too true!

Ricky: About time they installed that Wood guy as the coach.
He may be young but he's got the skillz

Me: Oh god yes! I mean, he's the reason Puddlemere are the team they are these days.
He was our best acquisition so far, after kitting the team out with the new Firebolt IIs.

Ricky: They've even got the Harpies worried!

Me: The Cannons need some of them! What are you guys on?

Ricky: Aha....Nimbus 2001's....if we're lucky.

Me: Haha! Bless. I mean, granted, you keep trying, but I think relegation is going to come knocking soon.

Ricky: Oh for a turnaround at that club!!
I mean, when you've Weasley as your best player...you know you're in dire straights.
He's not bad in front of the hoops....but again, he's no Wood aha

Me: True. I think you can count the number of goals Wood let in for his entire career on both hands.

Ricky: Weasley would need the spare fingers from Wood to even get started on his tally

Me: Hahaha!

Me: His wife's hot, though. You seen her?
She does a lot of charity work.

Ricky: Ahh....Hermione Weasley....the WAG to end all WAG's

Me: She has it all.
You know, maybe you should give her a run at being Keeper. She couldn't be worse..

Ricky: Well, presumably she know's how to handle the red balls...

Me: Ohoho!

The clash with the robes is something not to be sniffed at.

Ricky: It's horrific.

Me: You'd imagine they'd do better, actually, what with the glare.. It can't be easy to score with that in your eyes..

Ricky: Well it's not helped us out this season I can tell you.

or the last one, or the last one, or the one before that

or before that.

Fucking Puddlemere....YOU used to be the joke team....now it's really only us

Me: I know!
And all the new 'supporters' as well..
Where were you when we'd never won a game?!

I've gotta dash, man. Nom's ready.

Ricky: Inabit You wonderful geek you x

Me: I'll speak to you soon, though. Make sure to catch USA vs Germany on Saturday. Should be good.
xx

Upon finishing 'His Dark Materials'.

2010-07-18T20:08:00.000+01:00

There's something so wonderful about finishing a really great book. It's that sublime combination of empathy, passion, and clarity of mind that flows through your veins as you come to the end of the last page. Wearied from the journey you've inevitably been on with the characters, burdened moreso by the weight of your own experiences, the sense of relief is palpable.

Really good books always leave me feeling a little drunk, and allowing oneself to sink into that blissful catatonia is one of life's greatest pleasures. The intellectual high combined with the base and complex power of the emotions you are left with, sweep over your life like a sea mist, dampening everything with its touch. This is the time to create. To fuck, to kiss, to do something with your life. Even just to sit and watch the magnificent glory of the world pass you by, feeling a little richer for your pleasures.

But it never lasts. The fog clears, the dew dries, and soon you are left clinging desperately on to the last fragments of whatever world you have just left. The schwa-like urges you craved to fulfil ebb away, and soon you are left once more to the mercy of the real world, with only a fragile sense of dislocation to remind you of what you briefly were.

You were an adventurer, and in this sense almost all good literature is a work of fantasy. For like the protagonist in any fantasy novel, you return to your world to a blank reaction. No one can know what you've gone through, and any attempt to try to explain would cheapen the epiphany. You must simply labour on, enlightened by the wonders you've seen.

Up Onto the Bandwagon and Round the Moat

2010-07-15T21:09:00.004+01:00

Never one to miss a bandwagon, I thought I'd chime in on the raging media storm concerning serial attacker Raol Moat. Now I've been in a bit of an internet blackout for the past couple weeks, so I didn't catch the story as it was coming in, but I've read a couple articles, and listened to an interview. I may not be informed, but that doesn't stop The News of the World from going out every day, so why should it stop me?

Now I want to make it absolutely clear that of course I think that the acts committed by Raol Moat were atrocious, and I do not agree with any of the dissident opinions concerning him. I do, however, take issue with the nation's reaction to the Facebook group declaiming him 'a legend'.

Now these kinds of groups and fan pages are commonplace. They're basically the home take-away option for internet trolls. Instead of having to go out to YouTube videos and cause consternation in the comments there, they simply set up an obscene group and let the indignant come to them. They are nothing more than a cheap laugh for those that enjoy such a thing. Obviously there will be people coming to these groups that do harbour unsavoury opinions regarding their content, but overall, they are made up of bored idiots convincing themselves of their brilliance.

Now aside from the tabloid reaction to the papers being a dire case of 'feeding the trolls', the public demand to Facebook to remove such a group, and indeed, the Prime Minister's plea to the website, is something worth looking at. Although the page was indeed a joke, the government's sudden decision to tell us with whom we can and cannot sympathise is unacceptable. Enforcing moral character is not a governmental responsibility.

Unfortunately, in this case, the person behind the Facebook group did have the intellect of a particularly small amoeba. In this stunning interview with Ian Collins*, it is clear that Siobhan O'Dowd** doesn't have the brain cells to understand just why her case was important, neither did she have the wit to counter Collins' not overly challenging questions. The country missed what could have been a vital chance to openly debate the nature of opinion and how we can and should express it. Instead we got a half-assed, botched attempt at humour that was dragged on longer than necessary by a press waiting with baited breath for any possible chance at outraged indignation.

*A man who clearly sees himself as a halfway house between John Humphrys and Jeremy Kyle but instead comes across like Tim Westwood trying to 'get politikal'.

**Who by no means deserves to share a surname with George or Chris

This Great and Terrible Truth.

2010-06-14T13:57:00.000+01:00

It is not the least bit coincidental that adults who commit suicide with firearms almost always shoot themselves in: the head. They shoot the terrible master. And the truth is that most of these suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger.

Just another night in Nantes..

2010-06-05T05:29:00.008+01:00

There are so many people I need to apologise to, and I started to write them all out, but firstly, it's too long, and secondly it's unnecessary, as it's all for doing the same thing. Letting you slip away, or disappearing myself, or, basically, completely abandoning you.

So I realised there's nothing I can say that isn't better put by this song.

It's been such a long time since I've seen your smile. I've gambled away my friends, time, and sanity, and all I want to do is scream and shout how not okay this is and how not okay I am, but it's business as usual for the rest of the world.

So I'm sorry.

xo
gb

Way to Normal

2010-04-12T05:06:00.002+01:00

Sometimes I think I should try and be normal.

I mean, I just saw something that made me realise what normal men are like, and it just really brought home what people expect from each other.

I mean, by way of example, I have nearly 300 songs about Harry Potter on my iTunes, and I'm writing my own. I spent most of today re-writing the theme to Doctor Who, and I play, amongst other instruments, the didgeridoo, ukulele, and lute. If you ask me about teams, I am very likely to start talking about Quidditch.

Now, don't get me wrong: I'm not ashamed of being a nerd. I believe that knowing things is cool, I love reading, and I proudly wear my nerd colours on my sleeve (blue and gray). I just think that maybe somewhere along the line, I've completely lost track of things.

Earlier, my friend Bri expressed her admiration at the fact that I wear frequently wear nail varnish. I've had similar sentiments from other friends. From other people, though, I've had emotions ranging from bemusement to nausea.

Now I'm not going to claim that I don't care what people think about me, because that is quite obviously a lie. I don't, however, care if short-sighted idiots can't get past the idea of a guy wearing nail varnish, or wearing girls boxers, or being almost 20 and still professing his public love for Puddlemere United.

But the fact is that I'm not normal. I can't talk to you about real music. Albums made in K-Holes in Parisian bathrooms, played on childrens' toys - Yes. Why three lines of my iTunes are dedicated to an artist no one in the UK that doesn't know what DFTBA means knows of - Yes. But who Tinchy Stryder is? Who the Number 1 is at the moment? No chance.

I can't explain the offside rule. I drink Lambrini because I love it. I hate the taste of beer. I don't think I will ever be able to fall in love again, because I view it only as a chemical reaction. And I am never going to care if anything bad happens in the sporting world. I think people that have tattoos will regret them, but I plan to get my own. I judge people with facial piercings, but I have one myself. I want a toy Sonic Screwdriver. I still play act and pretend I'm a cowboy sometimes. My Facebook is in Latin.

I can't shake this feeling that I should enjoy youth while it lasts, because I'm going to end up lonely.

Always relieving to know

2010-04-08T20:01:00.000+01:00

Created by Oatmeal

A New Regime

2010-03-21T07:30:00.005Z

So hi.

It has, as usual, been a while. How have you been? How's that wonderful husband/wife/baby/boyfriend/girlfriend/dog of yours?

I've been in a bit of a dark place of late. There are a host of reasons, to which everyone will be sure they know the definitive answer. You don't. Regardless, the end result has been me not attending lectures for 5 weeks, not attending an exam, going back onto drugs, drinking myself into hospital on one occasion, and generally trying to keep myself buried in the little hole I dug for myself.

Obviously, this is not a productive way to go through life, especially university. I'm blessed with the fact that I've done a lot of what we're learning this year already at A-Level, so it won't be too hard to get back in, but it won't be without difficulties. I have, for example, blown off my singing teacher several times this term. I'm also lucky that no real* assignments were due in during this period.

So now, whether simply because I've run out of drugs and I'm running out of cigarettes, or whether it's due to some deep moral change, I'm changing. I'm gonna go clean, try and quit smoking again, restrict my drinking to healthy** amounts and turn up to lectures. It's going to be hard: I'm already getting headaches and nausea from some of the withdrawals and I spent most of last night dreaming about weed, but I'm going to do it.

Amsterdam might be tricky, though.

In related news, I've decided to lose weight. As a student, specifically a music student, I realise I am letting the collective side down by being anything other than horrifically skinny and malnourished. So, with a goal in mind, I'm setting out to shift a whole bunch (read: my love handles, stomach, and chubby-but-loveable ass wobbles) of weight. I won't be doing an AlanDistro-like blog along, simply because the added disappointment of 26 people*** on my conscience when I'm tucking into the free pot of Loseley Double Chocolate Ice Cream that comes free with every 'Party Feast' ordered from Red Planet Pizzas (I'm not sponsored, but if anyone from Red Planet is reading this, I'd be willing to negotiate) will be the last thing I need.

So that's it! My big news. I'll try and do another post this month, to bring you up to date with all that's going on in my life, instead of this rather unnecessary idiocy. For now, I'm off to wash 8 weeks worth of dirty washing and dishes.

Who knows? I might even shave!

*World Music doesn't count as a real module

** Well, healthier

*** Yes! That's how many people follow me now! Thank you all!

Boogie on down.

2010-02-16T13:15:00.004Z

Eeco Rijken Rapp is a friend of my old piano teacher, Julian Phillips. Can't stop listening to this piece. Enjoy!

xo
gb

formspring.me

2010-02-08T16:17:00.001Z

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/flangel66

Hysteria

2010-01-19T16:52:00.005Z

If you can't stand middle-class white teenagers whining about their inability to cope, then I suggest you don't read this entry.*

It's generally been the case that as unstable as my personal life may be, academically, I've always been pretty fine. I'm lazy, true, and I have a habit of pushing my deadlines to the very last minute, but generally, whilst my relationships and emotions are crashing down and whirling up around me, the path of my education has been pretty firm.

Now, for some reason, the opposite is true. For the first time ever, I have a large group of friends, with a core group of really close ones, and I'm only 10 minutes away from the girl I've spent most of my life missing. I may not be able to make up my mind about romantic relationships, but they're either looking up or aren't an issue, so I don't really have any huge burdens of the heart either.

Despite all this, though, I can't seem to get happy enough to want to work or write anything of substance. I can't even bring myself to get up and do my laundry (I'm currently wearing a shirt I've worn three times this week alone). It's a good job I don't have any lectures for another week, because I sincerely doubt I'd go to them.

And I don't know what to do. I drink, but I know that's not the solution. If anything, it makes it worse. But I can't bare being sober and clear-minded at the moment: it allows me to start thinking. So what do I do? I guess I wait, hope for the best, and become superstitious enough to maybe pass my first year.

In other news, I'm not on Facebook anymore because of a breach of TOC, so if you want me, I'm on Twitter, or message me for my number.

*Although I would wonder why you're following this blog at all, were that the case..

I hate the bargaining side of depression

2009-12-10T07:59:00.003Z

Not the 'Five Stages of Grief' bargaining, the 'If I can just make it through today' bargaining. The one where you promise yourself that if you can make it through this day in one piece, you can have a whisky, or you can enjoy the release of Friday, or you can have that piece of turkey you have waiting for you in the freezer.

On the surface, it works. It gives you something to think about, and set your mind on, as you fail your way through a singing lesson, and as you lounge languid and bored in each of your lectures. But really it doesn't. Because lurking deep below the surface is the real and destroying knowledge that no matter how successfully the day goes, there's not going to be anyone at home to kiss you 'Hello', to cuddle you and to tell you how proud of you they are for making it through each day.

And even worse, there's the knowledge that surely there will be a day when you can't make it through. And the implications of that are crushing.

I have awesome friends.

2009-11-17T17:16:00.005Z

Autumnsong

2009-10-26T20:52:00.006Z

For the last few days I've been listening to the newest version of Tom Milsom's Indigo on repeat.

Today this arrived in my sub box.

Play it loud.

Uni or Your Memory

2009-10-21T15:59:00.009+01:00

(See what I did there? Ahohoho!)

So*! Much to be said!

Well firstly, I am, as you will surely notice, writing this not from a decrepit Dell with a missing 'O' key (the sudden abundance of said letter is clearly a give-a-woy), but from my brand new shiny MacBook Pro, which means I can now Dailybooth, do the occasional video (links will come once I actually get bloody around to it), and generally just enjoy e-life that little bit more.

The biggest thing to happen between my last blog and this one was that I went to go see The Mountain Goats. Followed shortly by the fact that oh god I totally moved to London and started university.

Uni's great, the course is boring at the moment, but promises to pick up and I'm making friends pretty quickly and easily. My academic advisor looks like a cross between Hagrid and Meatloaf, but acts like Dr. Cox, which is pretty legendary (can you tell I love him?), and he seems to like me, which is cool. But really, and I'm not gonna lie, it's all about having my own toilet.

The Mountain Goats on the other hand (or 'Goat' as should be as it was only John Darnielle (I say 'only' - I mean, it's fucking JOHN DARNIELLE! I was in the same room as him and everything!)) were nothing short of perfect. I was originally going to go with my friend Casey, but she unfortunately developed a pretty severe allergic reaction to some guinea pigs (it's true! Ask her!), so I went with the wonderful Jess instead. We've met before at a Patrick Wolf show earlier this

year, but by the nature of such a gig we didn't get to hang much. So it was pretty awesome to be able spend a bit of time chatting before and after the gig this time.

Being that he was touring his new album, I expected John to play a whole load of songs from it, and maybe a couple past singles. Brilliantly, though, he admitted that he doesn't come over to the UK too much, and so played a whole load of old classics, like 'Jenny' and songs from the last few albums, like 'Broom People', 'Up the Wolves', and 'Woke Up New'. He did play some new stuff; 'Matthew 25:21', and 'Deuteronomy 2:10' both got an outing, as did 'Ezekiel 7 and the Permanent Efficacy of Grace' for which I love him even more.

Overall, it was by far one of the best gigs I've been to. Darnielle is an AMAZING performer, whose banter is sometimes so good you don't actually want him to play. And of course a lot of a gig's brilliance is about who you go with, and I was lucky to be with Jess, who was great fun, and didn't seem to judge my giddy excitement at each song announcement too much. So yeah! Awesome night!

And Finally** this coming November will be a busy one for me. As well as growing a moustache, doing graduation ceremonies and working on my 'Writing about Music' assignment (which I'm doing on The Decemberists), I will be doing 'Hometaping' - the NaNoWriMo of music. Basically I have 30 days to write and record an album at least 20 minutes long and upload it to share with the world. It's a nice slant on the novel writing idea that's gaining popularity each year, and I'd love it if y'all joined me! Let me know!

Also I've really been getting into the work of the HP Alliance and everything they've been doing to reduce WorldSuck and make the world a nicer place. One such thing is Wrock4Equality which had tonnes of Harry Potter fans calling people up and urging them to overturn Prop 1, the Prop 8-like legislation that threatens to overturn the equality laws passed in Maine this year. So check it out, even if you're not into Harry Potter. Love is something we can all spread, regardless of whether our inspiration be Dumbledore, Jesus, or fucking Bono.

Speak soon!

xox

*I start so many of these with 'So', it's almost becoming a tradition. I'll stop now, I promise.

Also: Earliest footnote ever? Ithinkso!

**I call this 'And Finally' because, in my head, it's always full of funny 'round-up' stories, though it's generally anything but. I'll try and get a water-skiing squirrel story for you next month if you're good, though.

Relative escapism

2009-09-13T18:25:00.004+01:00

So as many of you will know, I've spent most of my teenage years hating the house, county, and basically everything about the place I live in. I've been dreaming of getting out, running away and leaving for the city since I was old enough to go on trains by myself.

In just under four days, this dream will come true. I'll leave Dorset, pack up my posessions, and move into a university-owned flat in London, ready for my first year at Kingston. And yet, I honestly, truly, really don't want to.

When I first started dreaming of London, in my mind I'd turn up to a friend's house with a small bag, some clothes, a guitar and a bottle of Jack Daniel's. Over time, this dream changed, Jack Daniel's became Scotch, the guitar became first a ukulele, then an accordion, and the clothes got progressively weirder. In short, I built my dream and concept of London around who I wanted to be.

Where this became a problem is when that dream became tangible. By the beginning of this summer, it was definite. Come September, I would definitely be moving in to my own* place with a decent laptop, a host of instruments (including an accordion) in tow, and feeling pretty damn good about myself.

But it was not to be. Instead, I'm arriving on Thursday, already broke, laptop-less, accordion-less, with no smart clothes that fit me any more after the splurgiest of summer splurges, a mullet (courtesy of the well-trained folks at Toni & Guy), and a broken tambourine.

Having had my wildest dreams presented to me on a silver platter, the idea of coming back down to earth, and arriving at uni the same formless, style-less, wannabe kleptomaniac musician I've struggled most of my life to not be is depressing beyond measure, and my determination to not have to experience it is reaching the dizzying heights whereupon I'm finally ready to admit that I fucking miss the easy escape afforded by drugs.**

One of these days I'm going to wriggle up on dry land.

*Okay, so maybe not 'my own', but shh.

**I'm truly sorry if this sentence makes no sense. I got bored around 'and a broken tambourine' and I fucked off to go get drunk.

Why Me and Tumblr will never be BFFs.

2009-09-08T15:27:00.003+01:00

After ranting about it so passionately in yesterday's post, I then spent the evening pruning, editing, and generally molesting my Tumblr, and I came across my big issue with it. It lacks interactivity.

Most people opposed to Twitter criticise it because it appears, on the surface, to be simply another way to inform the world of your every thought, [bowel] movement, and irritation, no matter how inane they may be. Unfortunately, many times, they are right. A quick glance at most of the accounts participating in the daily rape of the trending topics show nothing more than: "Goin out." "Out wit m8s" "Back from bein out wit m8s!! LUV YA GIRLIES!" with almost no replies to anyone (except maybe to point out the fucking obvious to someone so as to maintain that air of quiet satisfaction such people always seem to carry around with them, the twats), on their pages.

Happily though, a lot of users do interact, even if it's just to promote their business, and the site is better for it. Such interactions may indeed start with an inane 'breakfast' tweet (as the world at large seems to believe Twitter is solely made of) but will, as I recently experienced, rapidly move on to other topics, and both parties can be enriched or at least mildly entertained by the whole thing.

Tumblr, however, seems to have briefly considered this idea with it's 'Tumblarity', but thrown it out of the window. The closest possibility I've yet to find of interaction is a Facebook-like 'Like'* option, and then the 'Reblog' facility. Even if I am just being thick** the whole site appears to be based around the concept of 'Look at this. It's pretty damn sweet/cool/philosophical/4-Channically brilliant, why don't you try it out for yourself?'.

Which, don't get me wrong, I'm all in favour of. I just find myself waiting for comments (like I do on here. Refresh. Tweet. Refresh. Cry. Repeat.) whenever I post something of my own making (like this John Green/Exzibit macro I was so unrighteously proud of) and then throwing a little paddy when I can't comment on someone else's inspired post/reblog without reblogging it myself.

Anyway, in matters of the (almost) non-nerd, as well as the last in a series of lovely and delightful postcards and letters I've had from the always fabulous Jess Young, whose photography you should totally check out, I got my copy of Driftless Pony Club's 'Expert' today in the post.

There was a debate posted by Alex Day some time ago, on the DFTBA Records blog, about the packaging their CDs came in. At the time I'd only bought 'Taking Leave' by Alan Lastufka and Tom Milson, which came in a sort of hybrid between a full jewel case and a slip case.*** As Taking Leave was an EP, like Expert, I was expecting a similar casing for the DPC EP. It came, however, in a slip case (it was signed by WheezyWaiter, which made it all okay) which I must admit being a bit disappointed in. A slip case may be much kinder to my cramped CD rack, but I do miss the fullness of a jewel case or hybrids.

The musical content is what really matters, and it's brilliant, everything I wanted from the band, and endlessly repeatable. I just can't help feeling let down by the packaging. It feels like a freebie, and I half feel like I might as well have just bought it from iTunes.

Anyway, I'm out bitchez.

* Convoluted solely for the opportunity of a legitimate 'double like'. They're worth millions.

**And please tell me if I am, it's a common occurence

*** There probably is an actual name for it. It'll always be 'The Hybrid' to me, though.

On Arrogance, Macs and Tumblr

2009-08-31T17:28:00.004+01:00

Well aware of how tedious it is for me to start every update with an apology, this time, I shall do no such thing. In fact, in a unbelievable streak of arrogance, I'm not only going to blame you personally for the lack of updates here, but I'm also going to post-date this entry to August. I've a rather beautiful streak of at least one post a month going at the moment, and I'm not about to let that go to seed simply because you couldn't be bothered to check here sooner.

It's okay, I forgive you. Just don't let it happen again.

So, I guess the big news is that I'm off to university, and moving to London! I have an address, a new bag, and a host of reading material all ready and (almost) packed, and, with any luck, this will be last update I post on this laptop. I'm moving to pastures whiter, and I'm getting a Mac at last.

That last statement will have made one third of you cheer, one third of you despair, and the other third wonder when I became such a nerd, wonder why you're reading this shit anyway and move on. The fact of the matter is that I've had it with PC's, and if me and Windows don't go on a break soon, I'm afraid we might have an irreparable falling out. As Becky 'YourTikken' Smith said on her WordPress:

I don’t dislike Windows. I used nothing BUT Windows up until last December. It’s just that, well, Apple products are so much easier. They cater to my simple mind. Everything is sleek and the keyboard shortcuts make sense and my Notebook takes about 30 seconds to start up, tops. It’s true: Apple is an all-pervasive, Orwellian, violating force – but my GOD does it feel good to get violated by them.

I've made my choice, you can fight it out in the comments.

In other news, some of you may recall that I ended my last post with a prediction that I would, before long, add a Tumblr account to the list of sites that I'll never use. Well, I did. I'm not all together sure that I'll stick around on there; as BillTvMacon said in one of his recent videos, Tumblr seems to be every site I already use all rolled into one. All they've added is 'Tumblarity' which just seems to be a rather heartless measure of how much you fail at using their site. And I fail a lot.

The problem is that Tumblr seems to be mainly suited to people that have a lot of varied media to share with the world. I don't take many photos (I always mean to, but forget, or my camera is out of battery), I rarely search for photos of my favourite bands unless I want a desktop background, I don't audioblog, I don't film videos, and aside from the occasional quote and a blog post on here, I haven't much text to share with the world that isn't linkable on Twitter. The end result of which is that I just end up parroting other people's posts, and, as most of the people that follow me on Tumblr already know each other, this seems a bit silly. Plus, the layout confuses me.

But regardless of my foreseen length of stay, you should all go and follow me anyway - It will make me childishly happy.

That's it for now. I might well write more this week, my Dad is on a writing course and I want to (as ever) prove that I'm better than him. I also have the house to myself, and as everyone that has been to my house will attest, writing is about all there is to do here.

Hope you're all well!

DFTBA,

A link-tastic penance in blog form.

2009-07-18T14:28:00.013+01:00

So it's been a good while since I did anything remotely bloggy. I apologise profusely and hand you this humble offering as penance for my non-journalistic laziness.

I recently bought 'Taking Leave', a joint-effort EP by Alan Lastufka and Tom Milson. It's only £6.00 including delivery to us UK-ers, which, considering the sheer beauty of the lyrics and the genius of the music, is really a bargin. It's available from the DFTBA Records website (or from iTunes or Amazon in MP3 form), where you can also buy some other gems from the YouTube community, including an album of songs based on Doctor Who!

Here's a rather tasty preview of Alan and Tom's work:

One thing that is definitely well overdue a blogging is my trip with the ever fabulous and lovely Louise to see Counting Crows* in Bournemouth. They were scheduled to play in December with Ben Folds, but due to vocal problems the gig was pushed back to May. It was an absolutely amazing gig, definitely one of the best I've ever been to in terms of showmanship alone. Adam Duritz, the lead singer, has more showmanship in his little finger than the likes of Lady GaGa have in their entire mirror-plated bodies. For realz. He makes standing still and singing loudly on tiptoes utterly, mind-bendingly enthralling, so you can imagine how squeal-worthy his inclusion of 'With a little help from my friends' into one of their songs was. A five star gig.

The three of you that also follow my other blog, Project Read 2009, will have noticed that it has fallen into disarray. This is not to say that my reading challenge has also gone down the same path, in fact, if anything, it's gone from strength to strength since I stopped blogging about it every three days.** I am currently taking part in Infinte Summer, a challenge to read the 1079 page*** Infinite Jest, by David Foster Wallace, over the course of the summer. It's hard-going, but incredibly well worth it; Wallace is an author the likes of which it's rare to come by these days. So come join us: We have bookmarks!

That's it for now, I think. I am, as ever, on Twitter, as well as on Facebook, 43 Things, and soon, I fear, Tumblr.

Best Wishes!

(Dumbledore Forgot to be Alive)

Giles

P.S: Have a Wish List.

The Office: Season 3, Episode 23 (Beach Games)

Looking for Alaska: Finished

Perks of Being a Wallflower: Finished

An Abundance of Katherines: Finished

Infinite Jest: Page 221

*My 'O' key doesn't work properly sometimes: Guess the typo.

**An overstatement of gigantic proportions

*** Plus footnotes. Lots of them. Some of them 11 pages long.

Music from a Tree!

2009-07-15T02:17:00.001+01:00

Sheer creative brilliance!

Diego Stocco - Music From A Tree from Diego Stocco on Vimeo.

Oh Lord..

2009-06-28T11:28:00.005+01:00

You know there's not a part of this email that doesn't scare me to the depths of my very soul?

Hello
My dear. how are you doing today hope fine. my name is Confidence. i just came acros your profile today at nerdfighters. on my search for relationship. To me age. distance. race and color do not matter. rather what i value most is the understanding and love that will exist between us. So in a specially manner i will like to further communication with you so as for us to know each other well. if you share the same view with me you can get back to me.
yours in love Confidence.

Her full name, apparently, is Confidence Doe.

Aside from the fact that whoever sent this has obviously done a good bit of stalking, as it came to an address I don't use for the Ning, instead to one I've mentioned in passing to a friend once, what scares me the most about this, is the line:

'..the understanding and love that will exist between us.'

Apparently, I have no choice in the matter!

Yet another reason, methinks, to stay away from the Ning.

Obligatory Updates!

2009-06-24T16:18:00.005+01:00

So that last post referenced a load of fairly big things that have happened in my life that I have yet to tell you lot about, and it felt shoddy just tacking them on at the end, there, so instead you get two updates in one afternoon! You lucky lot, you!

So firstly. I'm now going to University in September, to Kingston to read Music. I briefly outlined the situation in the last post, but basically I thought that when I didn't reply to them at the beginning of last year's term, that they'd have given my place away like they threatened. Then I forgot that I'd applied for this next year at all, as I got caught up in the Goldsmiths broohaha. I recently got a letter from them asking me to sort accomodation (which I did) and telling me they were looking forward to seeing me in September.

So after a lot of deliberation, I decided to go, partially fearful that were I not to, I'd never actually get into university at all. I did however, also speak to various people about Goldsmiths, and about the course at Kingston, and I feel sure that I'd do much better at Kingston than I would at Goldsmiths, where even on the audition day, I felt somewhat dwarfed in terms of talent.

Other news includes me getting an organ (£20 from the local village hall - 'Tis broke but easily fixed), the purchase of my very first John Green book (Looking for Alaska), alongside The Perks of Being a Wallflower and the first three seasons of The Office (see below), and my goals for the one week I have off.

Basically, in a rash moment of motivation, I decided to have five songs up on my MySpace (at least two of which must be GBM orginals), both this and my Project Read blog updated and sorted out, a podcast out, and a busking licence, by this next coming Sunday. As yet, I have one cover of Beirut's 'The Penalty' up on MySpace, and two half edited blog rants on here.

Evidently, I have lots of work to do!

Anyways, I am off to my piano lesson, and in the true spirit of v/b-loggers all over the world - I'll edit this when I get back.

The Office: Season 2, Episode 11

Looking for Alaska: Page 119

Perks of Being a Wallflower: Unstarted

Infinite Jest: Not yet purchased.

How do you do this, again?

2009-06-24T15:40:00.003+01:00

So as you may well have noticed, I've not properly blogged since BEDA. In fact, truth be told, I've not done a whole lot anywhere voluntarily since BEDA. I've worked a bit, I've gotten into uni, and I've obtained an organ, but I had only a modicum of free will in any of those activities.

This, no doubt, is going to lead to problems in future. I rarely do anything voluntarily unless I have people chasing me up about, unless I feel like I'm definitely achieving something, and unless there is a definite and tangible sense of failure if I don't complete it. Here lies the problem.

Because as I mentioned earlier, I've recently gotten into university (actually that's a lie, I got into university a year ago, I just thought I no longer had a place and forgot I applied for a deferred entry). Kingston University, to be specific, to study music. After that, as many of you know, I want to go on to become a musician and writer.

Already, I hope, you can see the problems. Firstly we have university, where as everyone tells you, it's 'down to you'. I had serious issues (like handing in my coursework to my teacher just as he was about to post them all off to the exam board) at school, where it wasn't down to me, it was down to a team of teachers all of whom were hired to get the best, or at the very least some, work out of me. This attempt, it is widely believed throughout both my family and my school reports, was a complete failure. Even when I had teachers sitting in my room next to me to make sure I worked, I still managed to avoid doing anything constructive. I will actually go completely out of my way to avoid work.

So far, not so good.

Then after that, we have 'the big wide world'. Looking at the list of conditions under which I will work, you might feel I am best suited for a career in an office somewhere. Where I've got a manager hassling me and the other members of my team to get sales, or to crunch those figures, and where the tangible sense of failure comes from being fired for not working hard enough.

But no! I have instead decided to choose a career in music and writing, where until you reach a stage where you're controlled by labels and publishing houses, all pressuring you to finish your album or book, you're on your own. No one pushing you apart from your under-nourished family, and no one but your own sense of shame to tell you when you've failed.

I am, as they say, completely fucked.

Until of course, you realise that you're reading this, and so, some how, I have at least attempted to achieve some of my goals. Despite the distraction of losing my inspirational can of Coke (long story, don't ask), I've still managed to get back onto the blogging bandwagon. This, I guess, is what keeps musicians playing and writers writing. Rock bottom.

Not that I'm anywhere near it at the moment. I am doing fairly well for money (so much so that I'm actually lending it to my parents now..), I've a well planned-out future, and 7 discs of The Office left to watch. You could argue that life is dandy.

I guess it is, as it usually is, a mixture of fear and hope that keeps us (me, at least) going. Fear that I will hit Rock Bottom, with all the strings on my bow old, torn and tattered, and Hope that by uploading an if-I'm-honest-pretty-shit Beirut cover onto my MySpace will in some small way,kickstart my dreams of playing it to a baying crowd of thousands.

So really, God only knows how this is going to go. I might well stumble my way through uni, try music and end up writing for a small-time music website that's struggling to stay alive by the week, or I might well eventually get motivated, start working, and in five years time be telling this story to a smiling mob of teens before launching into 'The Ballad of Bone-Idle Baggott'.

I'll keep you posted.

A long, long time ago..

2009-05-30T11:55:00.005+01:00

So I stole this off of Valerie ages ago, and never posted it. I feel I should post it now rather than let it simply clutter up my Drafts folder. I'll post date it, to make things easier.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?

I just tend to stand there for a while..

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
I've joined the 'I wear my girlfriend's hoodie crew'. It's black, huge, and lovely.

:]

3. Do you plan outfits?
Not really. I don't have a huge number of clothes, so any planning would often be made redundant by something being in the wash.

4. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Sneezy, and a bit worried. You?

5. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
A drum kit, I guess. There's a red splotch on my coffee cup, though.

6. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I was playing a gig in a pub, and I did 'Into the Sunshine' by Julia Nunes, but I didn't know it. I was really underprepared and it was horrible. Then I went outside in the snow and my friend got hit by a truck. - Bad times.

7. Did you meet anybody new today?
Not yet, but I hope to.

8. What are you craving right now?
A cigarette, if I'm honest (coffee always makes me want them), and a bit of normalcy/more money.

9. Do you floss?
When I remember to/when we have the cool little floss bows that we sometimes get.

10. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Scrubs.
10 points if you know why.

11. Are you emotional?
I like to think that I'm emotionless, but I'm sure everyone I know would disagree.

12. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
No, but my cousin has.

13. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
This sounds like such a dirty question. Nine times out of ten I bite.

14. Do you like your hair?
Yeah, it's okay. Gonna get it cut soon, but it's at that nice stage where it's manageable enought to style, but long enough to not have to if I don't want to.

15. Do you like yourself?
No. I like how I write, I like how I often know what to say and how I'm good at somethings, but no. I don't like myself, and I don't see why anyone does or should, for that matter.

16. Would you go out to eat with George W.Bush?
As long as it wasn't a Republican do, I probably would, yeah.

17. Would you throw potatoes at him?
Only if he started it.

18. What are you listening to right now?
Dr. Noise doing a very good Cure cover.

19. Are your parents strict?
In some ways they're ridiculously uptight, but they're really lax about the cool stuff like, sex, drink, and visiting random places.

20. Would you go sky diving?
I'm with Valerie on this one. I wouldn't, simply because I can get my ya-yas in so many other, less-possible-death-inducing ways, that jumping out of a plane just seems idiotic. (I can for example get my ya-yas from Ikea. They cost less but you have to assemble them yourself -10 more points if you get the reference).

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Yes. It's yummy and I could eat it all day long.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?

I met Jimmy Carr in Poole one day (random, I know!), Bear Grylls (who's an utter knob on Tv, but quite nice in real life, well, to 10 year old, reverential Castle Court schoolboys, anyway..) and I've had Twonversations with one or two on Twitter.

23. Do you rent movies often?
Not really. My parents do, and I borrow them when they're done.

I am going to today, though. Wall-E ><

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Just my outlook on life.

25. How many countries have you visited?

4/5 France, Germany, Italy, and Portugal (and Ireland, if you count it - I was three and threw up lots). I've driven through lots on the way to and from Italy, though.

28. Have you made a prank phone call?
I have once or twice, but I tend to suck at them.

27. Ever been on a train?
Yeah, it's pretty much how I get anywhere, ever.

28. Brown or white eggs?
Again, I'm with Valerie. Brown eggs perturb me. Unless of course this question is a metaphor for something higher, in which case I don't judge on the basis of colour.

29.Do you have a cell-phone?
I do. I hate it, but unfortunately it happens to be very reliable.

30. Do you use chap stick?
No. I do use Vaseline, though - Lube?

31. Do you own a gun?
My Dad has an Air Rifle, which from time to time, I take out, set up cans in the garden and use. But not too often, it makes me feel too up-state New Yorkian.

32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes, I can. I learnt while watching Michael Palin.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Louise and her Dad, I believe! :D

34. Are you too forgiving?
I'm not usually the one doing the forgiving.

35. Ever been in love?

Yes. It rulez.

36. What is(are) your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
I think some sort of party, but I'm not sure.

37. Ever have cream puffs?
No, and I don't know what they are, and I'm not sure I want to.

38. Last time you cried?

Well I didn't cry, but Season 3 One Tree Hill makes me weepy every other episode.

39. What was the last question you asked?
"What if he's just found out he's President of the World?"

40. Favorite time of the year?
Bah. In Winter I say Summer, in Summer I say Winter. In Autumn I say Autumn and in Spring I say "Achoo!".

41. Do you have any tattoos?
No. I've been planning one since I've been about 13, and in that time, almost every single friend I know has gotten one.

42. Are you sarcastic?
I try to be, but it often doesn't work out. My Dad does really get sarcasm, and my Mom just gets upset.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
Not by accident.

45. Favorite color?
Blue-ish.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes, and I instantly regretted it both times.

47. Is your hair curly?
Yes, and it annoys me.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
I don't actually know. I'm such a bad person.. I just steal them from RapidShare.

49. Do looks matter?

They do, but they shouldn't.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Depends entirely on the situation. You'll never know what you'll do until you love someone and you're in that situation.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Nope. Free calls to all UK landlines, bitches!

52. Do you like your life right now?
Not reaaally, but I don't think I ever really do. I have lots of nice things and nice people, though! :]

53. Do you sleep with the T.V. on?
I can fall asleep with it on, but I never let myself.

54. Can you handle the truth?
I'm not sure I can handle anything, but I'd rather know the truth, if that's what you're asking.

55. Do you have good vision?
Yes, but it gives me headaches.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Probably. I do try and imagine people complexly, and I think/hope I'm a more balanced person because of it. However, there are times when one does need to hate.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
I dunno. Not often..

58. How do you feel about holding hands?
I am definately in the pro-hand-holding party.

59. What are you wearing?
The aforementioned 'Amy's hoodie', jeans, and my skate shoes.

60.What is your favorite animal?
Dormice. <33>

61. Where was your default picture taken? Right here.

62. Can you hula hoop?
I have been known to.

63. Do you have a job?

Sort of. I work in a hospital, but they rarely call me in, so I'm technically unemployed.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Pills, credit, and alcohol.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes. I lock myself out with startling regularity.

Well that was fun.

Movie Tiime!

2009-05-26T23:52:00.003+01:00

So yeah, I'm aware that I haven't blogged in a criminally long time, and there's a good reason for this. I've been writing songs instead. Which, I hope you'll agree, is better for both of us in the long time. I also don't have a laptop at the moment, as mine showed its true worth and disintergrated worse than if Boba Fett got his hands on it *Nerd Jokes! Nerd Jokes!*

I do however have some things to say, so expect something real soon.

In the mean time, here is a list of all the films I own, for the epic Twitter/Skype FilmFest that is happening soon.

8 Mile
10 Things I Hate About You
40 Year-Old Virgin
101 Dalmations (Live Action version)
300
A Cut Above
A Knight's Tale
A Series of Unfortunate Events (So should be under 'U', but whatever, Excel!)
About a Boy (Great book, great film.)
Alfie (Both Old and New versions)
Alice in Wonderland
American Pie 1, 2 & 3
Anchorman (I love Lamp.)
Aristocats
As Good as It Gets
Atonement (Crap book - Hated it! Great film, though)
Austin Powers 1 & 3
Bambi
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Big Daddy
Black Beauty
Braveheart
The Brothers Grimm
Bruce Almighty ("Smite me, oh mighty smiter!")
Bugsy Malone
Casanova
Charlie's Angels (It was free with a PS2, don't judge!)
Chitty Chitty, Bang Bang
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Constantine
Crash
Cruel Intentions
Das Leben der Anderen (If you like films about the GDR, you'll love this!)
Dodgeball
Donnie Darko ("Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!")
Dragonheart
Dude, Where's My Car?
Dumb and Dumber
Dumbo
Eastern Promises
Edward Scissorhands ("Edward and Edwina Spoonhands..")
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Everything is Illuminated (Has Eugene Hutz from Gogol Bordello)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Fight Club
Finding Neverland
The Fox and the Hound
For a Few Dollars More
The Fountain
Gangs of New York
Garden State (Great film, with an awesome sountrack!)
Garfield
George of the Jungle
Get Rich or Die Tryin'
Gladiator
The Golden Compass
Goodbye Lenin! (Another GDR film xD)
Grease
Green Mile
Gremlins 1 & 2
Harry Potter (All apart from Order of the Phoenix)
Hercules
High Society
Hitch
Hot Fuzz
Ice Age 1 & 2
Indiana Jones 1, 2 & 3
Jackass: The Movie
Jungle Book (The Vultures! <33)
Kidulthood
Lady and the Tramp
The Last Kiss
The Libertine
Lion King 1 & 2
Lord of the Rings (Complete set)
Love Actually
Madagascar
Mamma Mia! (Shh, now! xD)
Master and Commander
Matrix 1 & 2
Miss Congeniality (Oh very dear..)
Monsters, Inc.
Monty Python: Life of Brian and Meaning of Life
Moulin Rouge
Mr. Bean: The Movie
The Mummy
Mulan
Muppet Christmas Carol ("Oh, here comes Mr. Humbug!)
Naked Gun
Nanny McFee
Ned Kelly
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Of Mice and Men
Oliver and Co.
Peter Pan
Pete's Dragon
The Pied Piper of Hutzovina
Pinocchio
Pirate's of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
The Polar Express
Practical Magic
Pulp Fiction
Pursuit of Happyness (So sad!)
Rent
Rescuers: Down Under
Road Trip
Robin Hood
Rock 'n' Rolla
Romeo + Juliet
The Secret of NIMH
Scary Movie 3
Scenes of a Sexual Nature
Schindler's List
School of Rock
Shrek 1 & 2
Sin City
Silence of the Lambs
Snow White
Song of the South (That's what Uncle Remus said)
Star Wars (All but The Revenge of the Sith)
Starter for 10
Sword in the Stone
Talladega Nights
Team America
The Truman Show
Titan A.E
Titanic
White Christmas
Wimbledon
Without A Paddle

Judge me in comments.
xD

xo
gb

BEDA the Last: Lookin' Back!

2009-04-30T22:40:00.004+01:00

Hello, my lovers!

Looks like we made it!

God, this is sad, isn't it? I'm genuinely tearing up. I had planned something epic, for this last post. #BEDA the Musical, maybe? It needs to happen!

The truth is, though, that like a lot of my fellow bloggers, I've run out of things to write about. If this were a Tv series, this would be the obligatory compilation episode, complete with a slow-mo montage, Barry Manilow, and italic writing. I could use screen shots and PowerPoint, but I just can't be bothered. It's hardly epic, and I only have half an hour.

Instead, I will link and discuss my three favourite moments, my three favourite blog posts by other people, and then summarise my #BEDA experience in a Scrubs/One Tree Hill kind of style.

There was the 'Oh My Eagle' post, where I predicted the rise of speed-paedophilia, and apparently pledged my support to all perverts. I'm not often fond of my writing or my futile attempts at humour, but I am a little proud of this post.

There was the time I almost failed! Oh, how we laughed! (Imagine this segment in the aforementioned montage stylee - it'll make it just a little less arrogant..) All credit must go to Casey for helping me not fail..

And there was the time when I went mad on UrbanDictionary. This is another one of those rare moments when I actually enjoyed reading back what I'd written, and was also when I started using asterisks!*

So that's that bit done, now the less egotistical segment!

I really enjoy dozzzier's style of writing. It's witty, informative, and is really a pleasure to read. At times, it reads like a professional journalist, particularly her account of the #amazonfail business, which I linked to in my post about it. This post is probably my favourite, though. I love how it just shows a mundane, uneventful day, and really brings it to life!

I know I said that I wouldn't link anymore posts from my blog but this one wasn't by me. It was by my girlfriend, Amy, who was my first guest blogger, and I really do think it's brilliant. I know I'm terribly biased, but I think that considering she'd not even heard of blogging before she found herself lumbered with me, she took to it so naturally (of course, being super nice to me always helps! :P). I'd love to see more!

One of the people whose blogs I was introduced to by #BEDA (when I will stop using the hashtag, God only knows..) was Valerie's. And it's actually the first post I read of hers that I'm linking to now. All of her posts are brilliant, but this one just stood out for the sheer poetry of it (a poetry that I ruined with an idiotic comment). Enjoy.

Well that's it from me and #BEDA. I'll miss it, I really will. It gave me such a wonderful chance to feel part of a huge blogging community as well as showing me blogs I probably wouldn't have ever seen, and bringing me closer to some of the many people I speak to online each day.

In a speech straight out of the Oscars, I'd like to thank everyone that has read my inane updates each day, both of my guest bloggers, and everyone who has commented, rated, linked, and given me ideas. You are all amazing.

Thank you, and goodnight!

*Made you look! (Did you think I wouldn't?)

BEDA the Twenty-Ninth: Attachment Issues

2009-04-29T23:08:00.006+01:00

Salutations!

I have fifty minutes, and because of last nights idiocy, so much to tell you!

Firstly, let us deal with the title. Attachment issues - I has them. My job at the hospital, for any of you that don't know, involves taking food and drink to the patients and their families. I basically do the job of a waiter (and a bus-boy, dish-washer, sou chef, and medical orderly - it's actually really fun!), but in a hospital. Because some patients are there for a while, it's pretty natural for you to build up a little rapport with them, and to look forward to taking some of their orders.

Over the last couple of shifts I did, I built up a relationship with one of the elderly ladies there, who had spent her life savings to come in, to have a series of operations on various ailments. She was really so lovely, and wonderfully eccentric, and I quickly became her favourite, and I really used to enjoy going in to take her odd orders.

Anyway, after my little breakdown last night, my Mom pulled some strings with my boss (my Mom works there too, how'd you think I got the job?! I'm trained for nothing!), and got me tomorrow off, and although I'm really very relieved, I really will miss that quirky lady. I've given my Mom instructions to make sure she pays her close attention, and to make sure she gets her marmalade sandwiches at 3:00!

Also, on the attachment issues, front, I'm having real problems coping with the end of #BEDA. I know (I'm hoping, anyway) that the readers and friendships that I've gained as a result of it will stay, but I'm really going to miss it. It feels more like a conversation that it does a series of unrelated posts, and I'll miss the feeling of community that it gave me.

I've decided I'm gonna post more regularly; I'm aiming for at least twice weekly updates, and I'm considering celebrating the mistake the FHM 2009 calendar (it was a present.. :P) made this year, and blog on Friday the 31st April as well.

This brings me to my next point. Inspired partly by a promise I made to Amy recently, I've decided to start (or at least make one and get so freaked out by the sound of my voice that I bury my mic and give it up for good) recording a podcast.

Now, I say 'podcast', it wouldn't be one, as such. It would really be more of a recorded and extended version of this blog, uploaded onto something like RapidShare, free for you lot to download if you fancy.

I understand that this is quite an arrogant decision. Surely my blog is enough, without having to clog up the internet with my semi-coherent mumblings.. Well firstly, I have very good diction, thank you very much, and secondly, well fuck it. Why not? There is something about spoken word that a written blog can never convey (accents, stresses, inflections for instance). I'd love to start up a comedy show like VLR, or something like DFTBA Radio, and if I could find someone to do it with, I get straight onto it (any offers, btw - Let me know!). But I'd still go ahead with this anyway.

I would like to know your opinion, though. I'm not that self-assured. Lemme know in comments.

Love and ham sandwiches!*

*Mustard optional; Available on White or Wholemeal bread.

Also, Jack Conte is brilliant. Love him.

BEDA the Twenty-Eighth: Suprise Work Sucks Ass

2009-04-28T21:54:00.004+01:00

Gooday, Sunshine!

So today really sucked.

It started off with my Dad waking me up, to tell me that I'm working today and tomorrow. Apparently the hospital is hideously busy, and horrendously understaffed, so yours truly was dragged in to help out. So the initial yayness of work (and therefore monies) was almost immediately outweighed by the potential of a sucky day.

But still, you'll remember me saying that I really enjoyed work last time, so I made my way in, cautiously optimistic, and to a degree, I was right to be. There was a new face working there, Alistair, who's just about a year older than me, and me and him got on well, and for a busy day, the work panned out nice and evenly without any big rushes. However, I was still shattered from the lack of sleep (I fell asleep at about 5:00am last night), and by about 3:00pm, with two hours to go, I wanted to go home.

Overall, it was tiring, boring, but okay. But then I realised that I was going to have to do the same thing tomorrow, and the day after, when I had so much planned for this week, and I began to flag. This, partnered with a severe lack of food, lack of sympathy from every that's ever worked ever, and a lack of anything on iPlayer to cheer me up, and I don't want to wake up tomorrow, let alone go work with the dying.

So you'll forgive me if this post is shit.

I need a hug.. Big time.

xox

(Disclaimer: I'm not claiming to have the market cornered as far as LifeSuck goes, or as far as shitty days go. I know that some people are going through far worse than this right now, and my heart goes right out to them. You should totally give them hugs first. I'm just feeling really low, and I can't be assed to fake a smile for this thing tonight. Sorry..)

EDIT: So I'm feeling better, now. One of my biggest faults is that I have a tendancy to overthink things, and crippling self-confidence. Hence, one of the most depressing blog posts since I started this thing.. But I just read a little post that made me realise that things will get better, and then I made chocolate ReadyBrek, hot chocolate, and started watching Friends.

As long as I breathe deep, and think shallow, I think I'm good!

BEDA the Twenty-Seventh: Imagining People Complexly is Hard!

2009-04-27T23:19:00.005+01:00

Hello Beard Racers!

Get the joke? Do you? Well congratulations on having read at least two of my blogs!

So recently I've been reading some of Alex Days older diaryland entries. (One of these days I will post a blog where I don't mention either him or John Green, and it's going to be epic.) They're all very personal, intimate, and at times, quite emotional, so I wasn't all together comfortable reading them at first. He has, however, recently said that he intends to publish them as a book in the future, so I'm feeling better about my apparent intrusion into his life.

He first started posting when he was 14, so understandably, they're quite embarrassing to read, especially after I realised that just under a year later I would follow in his exact footsteps. We both went through a phase of following the pagan religion Wicca, we both made close friends online, and we both overused smilies and the use of asterix to denote *activity*.

It's really quite an odd experience, though. I'm used to mature, intelligent, and informed adult Alex that we see in his videos and wherever else he [used to] post on the internet (especially as I only quite recently joined the Nermie Army). Now all of a sudden I'm seeing a side of him that I hadn't even begun to imagine, and it's very hard to not see the two as completely different people.

It's partly because he's obviously undergone quite a large change in the last six years, which is to be expected. It's puberty, we all do. However, he is still the same person, so I can only conclude that it's down to my failure to see Alex as anything more than the persona he presents us with.

Whilst I'm not shifting the blame away from me here, I think that this may really be the fault of the internet. Think about it. Just think of three people you only know on the internet, or if you don't have that many people you only know online, just imagine how you saw your friend the last time you chatted on MSN or Skype. I may well be wrong, but I'm guessing you can only construct an image of their personality from how they interact with you. (Feel free to pwn me in the comments if not, btw)

I guess it's just a problem inherent to both our natural settings, and the barrier that the internet creates between you and everyone else, and is something that can only really be changed by a conscious effort to remind ourselves that the idiot in the BlogTv waiting room complaining about how John won't respond to him, is as human and real as you are*.

Apologies if you have no idea who or what I'm talking about here.. Less esoteric blog posts resume again tomorrow, I promise.

Love you all!

*For the record, I'm not pretending this is my own original thinking at all. I fully credit that I have just taken the concepts provided by John Green and the DFW speech and applied them to the internet. Again, feel free to tell me to STFU in comments.

BEDA the Twenty-Sixth: Meme Time and Dr. Horrible

2009-04-26T21:17:00.005+01:00

Hi everybody!

It's your favourite time of the month! Meme time! (Not to be confused with Mean Time - A period necessary in every loving relationship.*) However, in the words of Yogi Bear: This ain't just your average internet meme, Booboo!

This time it's the meme king Alex Day that's behind the wheel, and it's not just another 'Five Facts and tag' game. It's called 'The Cube', and before you read any further, I need you to watch this video here (or just skip this bit and move on to the all-singing, all-dancing bit further down).

Seen it? Interesting, huh? I imagined a black cube, about 50 by 50cm, but it was a computer-type thing (like the one in the Terry Prachett novel Truckers, if you've read it). It was just sitting there, in the cracked dry desert. The ladder was completely vertical, and right in the background, and the horse was just standing around near the box, but in much the same position in the background as the ladder. I couldn't really place the flower anywhere properly, but it was in the foreground. The storm was in full throw, but there was no rain or lightening coming down. It was just loitering overhead.

To be honest, I'm not all that sure how much faith I place in it. I guess it makes sense in some ways, I have little confidence in myself, but I do think I'm quite intelligent. I do like to keep things separate like it suggests, and I try not to let the rain dampen my spirits. But as many of my friends will attest, I lean on my friends for everything, and my girlfriend is everything to me. So unless sub-consciously I'm a complete loner (and at this point I think we're trying to make the questions fit the answer) I'm not completely taken in by the whole thing.**

Still, it's an interesting psychological experiment, and I'd be very interested to read the accompanying book.

The second part of today's post is dedicated to something I'd heard of before, but never experienced it fully until today.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

I'd heard covers, such as Bill's, Hank's and Lauren's, and I was roughly aware of what it was, and so today I decided to take the plunge. It said on the Wikipedia page, that it was available on Hulu, for people in all countries.

It lied. Thankfully, however, a very nice user named KarikiNeroli has it uploaded on their YouTube account, so I watched it on there, and I can honestly say, I've never seen a musical quite as brilliant. I'm not going to compare it to Rent, or Les Mis, because it's obviously not in the same league (it's about 45 minutes long and is the brainchild of Buffy/Firefly creator Joss Whedon), but it was hilarious, with amazing, catchy, and well-sung songs, and it just did not disappoint, from start to finish.

I know a lot of you reading this will have seen it already, but those that haven't, you should.

Anyways, that's it from me today. I have the rest of this next week planned out. It's a little ironic that I've been wondering what to write about for most of the month, and now I have so much to pack into so little time!

Hope you're all well, and had a fabulous weekend.

*Not to be confused with Greenwich Mean Time, which is apparently some sort of localised period of frugality.

**Having said all this I just went through it with a friend and we found several plausible answers for all the odd parts. I'm still not fully convinced, however, so what I said still stands.

BEDA the Twenty-Fifth: Excuses, Excuses

2009-04-25T23:21:00.002+01:00

Bonjour, mes amis.

I do often wish that I had an opening line. Like zefrank's 'Good Morning Sports Racers!', or WheezyWaiter's 'Hey there, Beardlovers!'. I know that giving a collective name to all twelve of the people that follow this would be a bit pretentious, and to be honest, I doubt this is ever going to have more than 15 followers (yes, I am confident that three more will come!), so there's little point when I can address you all by name.

I guess I should really ask for your forgiveness. Last post, I said that more would come on the topic, and indeed more shall come. But not just yet. As well as the follow up post(s) to that, I have another quite ambitious blessay, which is in the process of being written, both of which I'd like to have up by the end of #BEDA.

Combine that with over-ambitious writing projects to my girlfriend (1 year and 3 months today, Happy Anniversary, baby! (Yes we are one of those couples that counts the months, if you knew me, you'd understand why! :P)), and I'm sure you can understand why these will all take a little longer than I'd hoped.

In other news, I'm starting to think quite seriously about getting into writing. I still don't think I'm really good enough, but I enjoy it, so why not? It's not going to be instead of music, I don't think, unless it takes off/is profitable (which from what I've heard, it really isn't), but it'll give me something to do in the meantime. So I've sent of some examples of my writing to a couple places, and am planning a project to try and highlight certain aspects of it, for an upcoming project by the BBC.

Sorry for the lack of anything real for a while, I hope to get on that by Monday.

Love to you all!

BEDA the Twenty-Fourth: Time that is Intolerant

2009-04-24T23:26:00.003+01:00

Shalom!

So I'm aware that I must go at least one week without referencing John Green as some sort of demi-God, but the fact of the matter is that the man has bloody brilliant taste in poetry. Especially when you log on to Twitter at 5:00 in the morning as you're falling asleep, see he's live, rush over to BlogTv and the first thing you note is that his cathartic voice is gently wafting the words of W. H Auden towards your welcoming ears.

He brought to my [our] attention a deleted part of the poem 'In Memory of WB Yeats', which I hadn't heard before.

"Time that is intolerant
Of the brave and the innocent,
And indifferent in a week
To a beautiful physique,

Worships language and forgives
Everyone by whom it lives;
Pardons cowardice, conceit,
Lays its honours at their feet.

Time that with this strange excuse
Pardoned Kipling and his views,
And will pardon Paul Claudel,
Pardons him for writing well."

It amazes me that I've learnt more about myself as a person and about English and how brilliant writing can be from watching the vlogbrothers videos and the live shows, than I ever learnt at school.

Suck it, Clayesmore.

This is a short, pointless blog today, but one which I plan to expand on.

Watch this space.

#BEDA the Twenty-Third: Defining Giles

2009-04-23T22:06:00.006+01:00

Wilkommen!

I've noticed that set titles for my #BEDA blogs are slowly changing. Apparently I'm now making them hashtags. Fun times! I'll go back and edit them in May, to keep my OCD happy.

Speaking of changes, you'll (hopefully) notice the ones around here! I've gone for a nice new white look, I've finally gotten rid of the pretentious mind-wank that was lurking under the title (replacing it instead with a pretentious quote about writing), and I've added a 'Skype Me!' button to make it easier for youse to stalk me. I like it, but it's by no means finished, or indeed set like this! Lemme know in comments what you think.

So JohnnyDurham has just kicked off a fabulous new meme (no sarcasm, I actually like this one), where you look your name up on UrbanDictionary [Side note - I used to be an editor for UrbanDictionary; I'd come home from school each day and they'd have emailed me a whole bunch of definitions to sift through and moderate.. I was a nerd from a very young age]. My name, Giles, is quite an unusual one, albeit one that every Buffy fan should know..

And indeed:

1. Giles - Buffy the Vampire Slayer's watcher.

Some things never change. The fact that I'm English (with a posh accent to boot), drink tea, and alarm easily does nothing to make this any less funny.

2. Giles - The kind of person who loves you:

'Awwwwwwww, Giles! You're such a Giles, let's make out!'

I promise you I'm not making this up, nor did I write it. It is good PR, though, it must be said. I shall now direct all future love interest* to this page..

Although, maybe not:

3. Giles - A beer-swilling, foul-mouthed Irishman who is known for his excellent leadership abilities.

'Damn! Giles can fucking drink!'

There is a small, albeit unlikely, chance that this was written about me. I do, for reasons unknown, put on a (bad) Irish accent when I'm inebriated. It is true that my leadership skills are second to none, and that, being a man of some heft, I can drink my own weight, and then some.** However, I doubt it. As anyone that's ever seen me drunk will verify, I rarely drink beer, choosing either whisky or wine, and when I do choose beer, I tend to spill as opposed to 'swill'. I also become overly verbose (moreso than normal), and scarily effeminate.

So perhaps not.

There are other definitions, but these are the best. I think we can all agree we've had a jolly good chuckle about them all! Now I'm not sure how Johnny's meme is going to go, and whether I should tag anyone. I will anyway, as this sort of thing is all very new and exciting to me.

I tag Amy, Casey, Weezie, Lydia, and Valerie.

Happy defining!

*I am of course joking. I'm all about the Amydouken! <33

**Two of the three facts in this sentence are lies.

#BEDA the Twenty-Second: These titles are getting silly

2009-04-22T22:54:00.003+01:00

Hey gorgeous!

Okay, so this going to be quick (that's what she said, ha!). I literally couldn't think about what to write, more than usual. This might be because I woke up about 10 minutes before I left for my piano lesson, in which I played lots of lovely blues, and then I came back here and watched Alex Day on BlogTv. So yeah, not a whole lot to write about.

I'm actually getting better at piano, though, which is made of yay! I can almost play with both hands, and my improvisations getting there too. This makes me sound like such an amateur. I can play piano, just not boogie-woogie, and well, not very well at all, if I'm honest. But shh.

I'm re-considering learning to drive. I have previously said that I'll never learn to drive unless it's really getting in the way of things. At the moment, I can get a bus pretty much right to Amy's house, and there's a main line train station that runs past my doorstop that'll take me all the way to London if I let it. So no problems so far.

But today I was being driven by my Dad back from my lesson and we were driving past a really nice bit of countryside, and I just really regretted that I'd never just be alone, driving to nowhere with Zach Condon tingling my senses as I take in the vista. And then learning to drive just seemed to make sense. I am still very severely dyspraxic though, I can't tell my left from my right (for serious, I really can't), and I have terrible co-ordination. So maybe it's best if I stay off the roads.

Anyway, that's it for today. I haven't included any links in this, so I guess that makes me a bad blogger.

Suck it.

#BEDA the Twenty-First: The Beckoning of Happiness

2009-04-21T22:39:00.005+01:00

Hey, you!

As you may have noticed, I'm trying (and failing) to start this in a new way every day. I'm rapidly running out of ideas.

Well today was nice. I'm straining to enjoy my days more at the moment. Trying to slowly build myself up to the schedule I was at before my interview. I'm still getting up late, but I've got designated practise time, Tv time, and 'be nice to my ~~parents~~ mother' time. It's like rehab for the lazy. But tomorrow (or maybe the next day) I'm going to really hit the job-hunting hard. Somewhere there's a tiny charity shop where I can read all day with my name on it! :D

I think I'm going to miss #BEDA, when it's over. I really like how my friends now remind me to blog. I'll miss reviewing my day each evening, it's like a little de-briefing. It isn't, however, something I could really keep up. Maybe someday in the future I'll have enough readers to warrant posting everyday, but at the moment I think I'm just annoying a fair few people. I'll maybe go back to weekly posts, but I'll try and include a little something extra each week for those that do follow me.

I'm really loving the sun at the moment as well. I always complain about summer when I have to get dressed up to go out. I tend to look better with more clothes on, instead of less. But when I'm at home I can just mooch about the garden with a G&T, barefoot in my shorts, like a hobbit. It's lovely. We have a little patch of sand in the middle of our garden, where we put up this above-ground pool we have in the summer, and I love walking over it. It reminds me of the beach (two weeks!). We also had our first meal outside tonight, and I annoyed the neighbours and their horses by playing Beirut songs on my ukulele to my parents.

I'm getting a new uke! Some of you probably know this, especially as one of you was with me when I tried it out. It's a Tanglewood, same make as my guitar. It's a concert soprano, a bigger version of the two smaller ones I have now, and it's beautiful! Only £79, and I've managed to persuade my Mom to pay £30/40 of it. That leaves me with some money to get all of John Green's books, and The Office. I've not properly treated myself like that in quite a while, so I don't feel too guilty. Plus I'm trying to make sure I do it at a time when I can afford it on top of everything else.

Anyway, I'm off to have a nice shower, and get myself some nom, but I'll leave you with this lovely site that Valerie posted on Twitter. It's called StairPorn, and it's really, strangely, brilliant. There're so many beautiful staircases and some really cool ones too! Definitely worth checking out!

Hope you're all well, my dears!

Loves,

#BEDA the Twentieth: Is this Water?

2009-04-20T21:58:00.004+01:00

Hi,

Okay, so John Green's live right now, so forgive me if this is fragmented and pretentious. The odd combination of brilliant poetry and casual wit that his live shows provide means that getting any kind of continuity is near impossible.

So that reminds me of something I've been meaning to post about for a while. In a show not so long ago now, John mentioned and then read this speech, by the writer David Foster Wallace. I saved it, and I've read it a few times in the past week, and I've given it a lot of thought. I'm generally quite quick to anger, and quick to judge, and I am definitely guilty of thinking that everything is going wrong solely for me. So it's made a bit of an impact on me, in that sense.
But there's also something else going on, something that I can't quite put my finger on yet; Some sort of wave which will break in the close future. Whether it will wash up good or bad, I don't yet know.

Anyway, speaking of me being quick to anger, I've been getting pretty annoyed at Facebook recently. Not the site itself, although I am a quite notorious critic of it. No, this time my problem lies with the users. People who make groups about how 'David W. Hall should be have his account deleted for his disgusting pro-Gay Marriage group!', people who post inane updates about how they're going to the gym, been to the gym, and are now whipping up a protein shake (but what do I know, I'm on Twitter), and people who invite me seven times to their group about a car dealership.

I would delete it, and in fact I was going to, but I don't want to fall into the Alex Day trap. I hardly use it anyway, and I've now made Twitter my homepage instead, which makes me feel a bit better. I still hate it though, so if I'm 'on' Facebook chat and I don't reply, or if you comment me and I don't reply, don't take it personally. I just don't use Facebook for anything else but a combined photo album/email account.

Of course you could just say this is a poor excuse for my laziness, but that would be very heartless of you. Why would you claim that? Plus generally if the comment is something that really matters/needs to be chased up, I'll do it away from Facebook. Like on Skype, which you should all get.

Anyway. That's it for today. Although I am thinking of buying this book.
Sexy, isn't it? (Inside joke, much? :P)

Miss you!

xo
gb

BEDA the Nineteenth: Oo-Er!

2009-04-19T20:50:00.004+01:00

So Hi.

How are you? Have you missed me? I know, I know.. It's been a while. All of a day!

So yesterday I was lucky enough to have my second guest blogger, Casey, do my post. She did a great job, certainly better than what I was going to offer you! Her blog is here, if you fancy more. She's doing #BEDA too, so you can have your fill of awesomeness and lovely pictures.

So today I had my old music teacher over for lunch, which I'll admit I was dreading. He's lovely, and has helped me so much; I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for him. Still I didn't want him to see me bored, useless and unemployed like I am at the moment. But he was brilliant. I didn't feel like the disappointment that I thought I would, instead he made me feel like I still had all the potential I did when I sang the solo to Rutter's Requiem in Year 8.

He promised to put me in contact with some of his associates, to get me back into music, and already I've had an old brass teacher of mine demand that I get back to him as soon as I can.. So things might finally be looking up!

On the negative side of things however, I'm having problems with my beloved iPlayer. It won't stop halting, whatever I do, making it nearly impossible to watch any show. Couple this with the crippling nausea that's overtaken my body in the last half hour, and this evening isn't promising to be a good 'un.

Hope you're well!

All my love,

xo
gb

BEDA the Eighteenth: CaptainCeej behind the Wheel!

2009-04-18T22:06:00.004+01:00

Here comes the rain again

Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

Got on the radio, my old blue jeans,
And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve.
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine,
Can you tell me what more do I need?
And tomorrow's a mystery, but that's okay.

Lot of people spend their time just floating
We were victims together but lonely
You got hungry eyes that just can't look forward
Can't give them enough but we just can't start over
Building with bent nails we're falling but holding,
I don't wanna take up any more of your time

Forever never seemed so close as when
you put your hands in my pockets and said,
"I'm quite fond of you kid. I think we'll be just fine.
You keep the sky & I'll settle for that look in your eyes"

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine,
I'm leaving my life in your hands.
People say I'm crazy and that I am blind,
risking it all in a glance.
But how you've got me blind is a mystery.
I can't get you out of my head.
Don't care what is written in your history,
as long as you're here with me.

Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise

x

BEDA the Seventeenth: My bad!

2009-04-17T21:06:00.005+01:00

Well, yes. Lets not talk about it too much, shall we? I almost failed #BEDA, and needless to say, I saw my blogging life flash before my eyes. So let's focus on the positive instead, shall we?

Wednesday saw my first guest blogger, Amy! I kind of threw her in the deep end, a bit, as she's never blogged before, and didn't really know anything about it until she started dating me! Despite this, she did really well, and got the highest number of positive ratings this blog has had so far! So a big success for Amy! *claps*

So in related news, part of my intention when I started #BEDA was to get more interaction with my readers and followers. Not the horrible corporate 'interaction' that people follow you on Twitter to provide, but real interaction. More comments, ratings, questions and ideas. So far, I'd say it's been pretty successful. I'm now getting at least two ratings every post, and my average number of comments have gone up. I've had some great ideas input and I even had one of my followers write it a post for me!

I still think I can get more, and I'd love to. Partly I'd like to try and make the 'guest blogger' thing a regular occurrence. That'll hopefully come in time, but really, anyone's welcome! Let me know in the comments, or email me.
The other thing I'd really like is your involvement with changing the layout. This layout's quite a typical one, and there's been a huge influx of blogs looking like these due to #BEDA, so I'm gonna be throwing some new layouts at you, as well as new sidebars and new describeys (^ Up there, BeardLovers ^).

Anyway, as most of you know now, YouTube's changing. I'll admit that my attitude to the changes has changed quite radically, and whilst I'm still apprehensive about what affect this will have on the communities we've built around user-generated content, I'm sure we'll pull through it. I've heard good reports from people for whom it's already changed, and I just hope that YouTube aren't going to do a Hulu, and forget about us over the pond.

In other news, the new Harry Potter trailer is out! Yes, I did dance a little.. It looks amazing. Some really great acting there from Tom Felton in the part of Draco. I'm still concerned about the soppy Harry/Ginny kiss as opposed to the fiery one in the books but meh. I'm just happy it's going to happen! Bring on June!

One last thing (yes I'm compensating for almost failing yesterday by writing a really long post today, deal with it!), the ever benevolent, omniscient and powerful John Green (@realjohngreen), has pledged to donate $1,000 to the fight against malaria, if we can convince the now-being-followed-by-a-million-people actor Aston Kutcher (@aplusk) to follow him on Twitter. Aston is obviously gonna have a lot of spammy @Replies, so we're going to have to use our numbers.

NerdFighters - To work!

Happy hunting!

xo
gb

BEDA the Sixteenth: SHIT I FORGOT!

2009-04-16T23:54:00.002+01:00

YouTube's changing.. It's sad.

Add me on Facebook to see my new hair.
The Decemberists are great, check them out on YouTube (irony!) as I don't have time to link.

That is all!

xo
gb

BEDA the Fifteenth: Amy in Da Hooouse!

2009-04-15T19:47:00.005+01:00

Hello bloggers and internetians! (i did just make that up) I am writing the one they call Giles' blog today, because he asked me too. First of all, I have never written a blog in my life,and have only recently understood the whole blogging concept. I've been told I can write about pretty much anything, but I'm not sure what to talk about...so bare with me!

This weekend, I managed to tick something off my 'Things to do before I die list', which was to ride in a Monster Truck. People who know me, will realise im not what you expect. I love dressing up and going out and dancing my little tushy off, but I also love burly trucks and stunt shows, so there's something you didn't know about me :). I first saw Monster Jam in America visiting my Uncle in 2001, possibly 2002, and have been a massive fan since. We won a raffle (me and my Pops) to go in one, with 6 other people, pretty lucky really! It's also the only one in Europe you can sit in, and I was in it XD

Titanic sunk on this day in 1912 according to the BBC. I personally think Titanic is a superb film, and I do highly reccommend it. I am a film fanatic by the way, I have around 200+ DVD's which is forever growing. Recently watched a film called 'Taken' with Liam Neeson, and I am not joking, it's one of the best thriller films i've ever seen. It's your basic kidnap plot, but it really keeps you on your toes, and there's some pretty hardcore fights too, really believable stuff, none of this being thrown off a building or out of an airplane and magically landing in a car nonsense, it's a good film and Liam Neeson is properly awesome. Although no film will top the Jurassic Park trilogy, my favourite films of all time :)

I should probaby shutup now, you won't have gained much from this blog other then that I love trucks and watch a lot of films. So here is a few facts about a true blogger know as Giles...
1. He's a really lovely guy, most genuine like.
2. He's better at music then he gives himself credit for
3. He gives amazing hugs, and is the best person to talk to if you're feeling a bit blue.

Fare thee well my lovelies! Have a lovely evening :)

XO
AC

BEDA the Fourteenth: European Excursions!

2009-04-14T23:20:00.005+01:00

Hello. Are you pantless? Are you?! Hmm? Hmm?! Well good. I'm not sure if we're still doing the whole #nopants thing in light of recent ambiguous revelations, but in my opinion it's always better to be pantsless!

Today was an odd day, but a nice day. I got my hair cut, firstly. It's shorter than any of you will remember me having (I say any of you, 90% of my readers have never met me! :P), but I really like it. I can't be assed to take pictures tonight, but I'm staying over at Amy's tomorrow, so I'll make sure we take photos then!

Anyway, after my hairdressers appointment, my parents went to go to the gym (they won three years free membership - Only them!), leaving me only with a train fare and some money for some brie. I stocked up on a very European lunch, set off for the train station, and left Dorchester and my parents behind.

I ended up not going home, but instead going off on a little excursion. Nowhere adventurous, but the knowledge that no one in the world had any idea where I was at that time really made me happy. It was a bit of time out from my own life. Natural time out, like I've not had before. It was lovely.

Anyway, I stayed there for an hour or two and then came back home, enjoyed my French lunch and watched One Tree Hill. It was the kind of day I've been dreaming of for weeks.

Then later on I found out that the jackdaws that had fairly innocuously been living in our chimney had somehow actually been blocking all the toxic fumes from our wood fire from escaping. As a result the house is now smoke free, but smells like an Anglo-Saxon soup kitchen, and is a toxic nightmare. So we might very well all asphyxiate in our sleep. In which case, I will have failed #BEDA. I have however taking the precaution of sleeping with the window open (which means in turn I can't have lights on for fear of moths), and the carbon monoxide detector isn't at critical yet, so we're okay.

So that's it from me today, and indeed tomorrow as I have a guest blogger in to fill in while I'm away, which should be fun! Hope you're all well, wish me luck with the breathing thing!

Socks first, then shoes.

xo
gb

BEDA the Actual Thirteenth: Doing the No-Pants Dance

2009-04-13T18:44:00.002+01:00

As the more observant of you will have noticed, I got the date wrong on my last blog. So yeah, it probably deserves the 'Fail' tag that one mean person gave it. So I guess this is take two.

I'm a bit late in blogging about this issue as it really surfaced early this morning, but I needed sleep. As anyone who follows Maureen Johnson on Twitter, or indeed anyone that has at least half an eye on the Twitter 'Trends' will know, Amazon.com have recently shown themselves to be a bunch of bigoted twats.

A few days ago now, the sales rankings of hundreds of gay, lesbian, and transgender romance books disappeared. No one really knew why. Theories abounded: it could have been a glitch like the YouTube view count glitch, or the system could have temporarily been down. Then publisher and author, Mark Probst contacted Amazon through his Advantage account, and received the following response:

In consideration of our entire customer base, we exclude "adult" material from appearing in some searches and best seller lists. Since these lists are generated using sales ranks, adult materials must also be excluded from that feature.

Hence, if you have further questions, kindly write back to us.

Best regards,

Ashlyn D
Member Services
Amazon.com Advantage

Needless to say, the internet world went mad.

Investigation by others then showed that Amazon had, pretty neatly, effectively set up a category 'gay and lesbian', which it deemed inappropriate. Even then, there was little method to their madness, with some gay autobiographies getting stripped, whilst others aren't. A lot of books have been deemed 'too adult', but yet a lot of straight erotica hasn't (more on this in a superbly written blog here). Even worse, if you type 'homosexuality' into Amazon, you get this.

The end result of this outrage is that the internet community has pretty quickly whipped up a boycott, which has been, in part, headed by our own dear Maureen, who is encouraging you to take off your pants to protest. Light-hearted, and typically brilliant though this is, it's also raising much needed awareness of the Amazon boycott, in protest to this disgusting revelations.
Join in.

Anyway, in other news. The same Maureen will be doing a show on BlogTv tonight, at 11PM for us in the UK, and 6PM EST for our friends over the pond. I know some people have been camped out in the BlogTv chat until tonight, so you know it's going to be good.

I have also gotten myself an account on Blip.fm. Blip is hard to explain really, it's like Twitter, but with music. If you don't have one, you should definately get one, and if you do, you should add me!

Thanks for the fantastic response to my last post guys. Two comments and three ratings is the most I've gotten so far and it felt pretty great! Keep it up!

Hope you're all okay! See you in BlogTv!

xo
gb

BEDA the Thirteenth: Happy Zombie Jesus Day

2009-04-12T22:37:00.004+01:00

Right! So I had a stellar idea for a subject, but I forgot (again!). So I opened it up to you guys instead, and I got various suggestions. So, in the words of Mr. John Green: This comes in three parts.

1. Easter:

So yeah, it was Easter Sunday today, which was nice. I got lots of chocolates (which I'm actually enjoying right now with some wine) although I didn't have to hunt for them, they were just sitting in my place on the breakfast table. We had a big roast turkey dinner, which I'm told is actually a tradition on Easter Sunday, something I didn't know! And people have been wishing me 'Happy Zombie Jesus Day' today, which is made entirely of win! Also I use the word 'which' too much.

2. Bananas:

Bananas are a fairly large, usually yellow fruit, most commonly found in hot, tropical areas. They are technically a berry, although in cultivated varieties their seeds have degenerated to nothing more than black specks in the flesh of the fruit. Banana skins are widely know to cause mishaps and are responsible for 60% of all falls. Eating bananas is widely discouraged as it can lead to the eventual decay of the soul as the fruit sucks your essence from you. Adolf Hitler famously consumed his own weight in bananas each day, and many claim it is this that turned the tide of World War II. The author of this blog would not consume a banana if you paid him.

3.'Shout outs':

a) Amy is lovely for forgiving my gayness and idiocy. I love her lots and you should too.
b) Casey is 'cool' despite being an even bigger nerd than I could ever claim to be.
c) Alysia and Lydia are brilliant for giving me topics to write about.

xo
gb

BEDA the Eleventh: Oh God, I'm Gonna Cry!

2009-04-11T21:35:00.003+01:00

Truth be told, I almost forgot about this post.

As you've probably picked up if you've been reading this blog anywhere near semi-regularly, I'm a big fan of the BBC's iPlayer service. I first stumbled across it trying to find an old episode of Bill Bailey's 'Museum of Curiosity'. Then, I discovered it had much more to offer than Just a Minute and Dead Ringers. There were episodes of Top Gear, Jonathan Ross, and even the odd 'Live at the Apollo'. Then, bored one day, I decided to give Doctor Who a go, just to see what everyone was raving about.

At first I thought it was shoddy and childish, and watched it merely for laughs and to give me something to do. Then by the end of the second series I was already fighting back tears when the Doctor was ripped away, just as he was about to say goodbye to Rose. Then I carried on, until I was well and truly addicted.

So then, this all leads up to tonight, where, for a brief hour, I was in exactly the same position as every other Who fan in the world. Well, almost. I haven't watched it yet. But I've caught up, and I know it's probably gonna get emotional in here, get out while you can!

xo
gb

BEDA the Tenth: Watching Nerimon Can Seriously Ruin Your Day

2009-04-10T22:54:00.007+01:00

Well today was rubbish!

I sleep with my laptop next to my bed, so when I wake, I open it up, switch my MSN status to Available and check my Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, and see what's on iPlayer. Today when I did this, I was feeling cheerful, and optomistic about my day. Then I watched Alex Day's most recent VEDA video, and I was driven insane with jealously. He had a great breakfast, great programmes to watch, and then he was off to see his best friend. I struggle daily to find anything edible in this house, there's generally fuck all to watch, and I never have money to go anywhere.

I guess this is my fault, and coincides nicely to something important that I need to update some of my friends on, but still. It makes for a sucky day.

Anyways, then Amy had virus problems, Twitter went down, and now MSN is being a twat too. I'd like to (again) request anyone that I regularly speak to over MSN (or anyone that just fancies a chat) to get Skype and add me (Flangel66). :]

Just a short post today, I've got to go back to wrestling with Microsoft.

You be well.

xo
gb

EDIT: There is now also an email address to direct your questions too, plus anything else you'd want to email me about regarding this blog. It is: FlangelBlog@gmail.com

Message me, bitches!

BEDA the Ninth: HP Addicts Anonymous

2009-04-09T22:07:00.003+01:00

So today I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and I'm already missing the Wizarding World. I can see why fanfic is so popular: I want to know more about all the characters, I want to see them in their houses, cleaning pans with magic and arguing over whether or not the babies should be allowed a Pygmy Puff. I can't wait for the films, even though I know they can't do the books justice. Wizard Rock is some comfort, but I need more.
I am a Harry Potter addict, and I need help.

Anyway, my day was practically non-existent. I slept 'till late afternoon, watched 'Hey, Arthur' on iPlayer, Omegled, and now I'm watching John Green on BlogTv. I did have a big point to blog about, it struck me as I was rearranging the pepperoni on my pizza, but I've forgotten it. I don't think it was very interesting anyway.. Nothing induced by pizza ever is.

Anyway, I think it's high time I jumped on the 'Ask me questions' band wagon. I'll give it a few days before I do it, as it'll take me quite a while to get enough questions. So leave you questions in the comments, be it on BlogSpot, either of the Ning's, Twitter, or Facebook. I will collate and answer them all!

Hope you're good! I'm off to listen to John Green read David Foster-Wallace.

Best wishes!

xo
gb

BEDA the Eighth: Belgians on My Trail

2009-04-08T22:26:00.004+01:00

I always forget how to spell 'Eighth'. I guess that's why numbers were invented.

Today I walked into my piano lesson to find a small, unshaven Belgian sitting at the piano. He was visiting because of a mini-gathering my teacher was holding, to promote his summer festival (which I'm apparently now helping to promote..), and to get more of the community involved in Boogie and Dance. While he was down, he gave a masterclass to me and the guy before me. He was amazing, played like I'd never heard before, it was quite inspirational.

I'm never good around better musicians; My arrogance kicks in and I have to find something that I'm better at to mentally gloat about. I stood there thinking: "Yeah, he's better at me at piano, but I could annotate the shit out of 'Grapes of Wrath'!"
Pathetic.

I came away from that lesson really wanting to do more with the piano in my songs, really wanting to practise piano loads more, and having heard at least 60 different versions of 'Hellhound on my Trail'.

Anywaaay.. The last few days at Amy's have been lovely! Lots of cuddles and good food, as well as the obligatory name calling, but now I'm home. Sad times! It also sucks that because of salary dates and governmental holidays, I'm now out of money until pretty much the end of the month. Luckily I've got two seasons of One Tree Hill, and BEDA to keep me occupied! :]

Loves!

xo
gb

BEDA the Seventh: Mr Muscle Woes!

2009-04-07T16:41:00.003+01:00

Hello all.

Today's blog comes from the wonderful house of Coughlan, where I am currently shacked up with the eldest daughter, whilst the mother and baby sis are away. She has Vista - Yay! >.<

Now don't think I'm complaining, but one thing I don't think I'll ever really get used to is that experience of planning, writing, and re-drafting something like that last update, and getting just one positive rating (from my girlfriend). It's odd because all of the people whose blogs I read actually do something else, and so therefore have a bigger reader base, and as a direct result have great interaction from them. I, however, have done nothing apart from a few well aimed witticisms to minor celebrities on Twitter (thus earning me a ReTweet or a Reply), and told all of my friends that if they don't follow me, they obviously don't love me.

So I guess I can't be suprised when a post about something as obscure as Omegle.com gets less comments and ratings than I'd like. I can reassure myself with the thought that hopefully in the future I'll achieve something that'll bring readers and fangirls to my blog in their hordes, and then they'll rate and comment all my old posts like crazy. Until then, I'll just have to make wittier posts, and spam the interwebs until they get the ratings, comments, and spotlight showings that I'd like! :P

Anyway, in other (slightly old) news.. What's up with the new Mr. Muscle adverts?! Where's the weedy guy in the ill-fitting wife-beater? Now we've got some bulky dude in (again ill-fitting) spandex. They've removed the irony from the adverts, and well, now none of us can identify with the character like we could before. Way to kill your product, SC Johnson.

Also, all Britney Spears songs now sound the same. Discuss.

xo
gb

BEDA the Sixth: Oh My Eagle!

2009-04-06T11:58:00.003+01:00

So this Omegle thing..

Firstly, I will grant three genie-like wishes, to anyone that can tell me what the hell 'Omegle' means, stands for, or how it is supposed to be said. Me and 'Stranger' (she was Finnish) last night agreed that it could be lolspeak for 'Oh my eagle!', but then we also realised that neither of us have ever cursed by saying 'Oh my eagle!', and we probably wouldn't even if we actually had an eagle (new internet meme, though? Make it happen!!).

After I got over the initial confusing mix of emotions that I always feel when I meet a new word I don't know, though, I got to thinking. Isn't Omegle just a tad dangerous?

I mean, I know there's all the jokes and lulz about the tagline 'Talk to Strangers', which I agree is generally a good thing to ignore and do anyway, and I know that you only actually speak to each 'Stranger' once, and that the chances of bumping into them again (and then realising that, to boot) are slim to none, but I'm sure a really adept paedophile could weasel your Skype name, if not your number, address, and whereabouts in your room your bed is, in one conversation. In fact, I'd like to state now that I have every faith in the unregistered deviants of the world, as they struggle to perform this feat.

Now, looking from an English point of view, I'd say the biggest proponent of Omegle so far has been Alex Day, or Nerimon. He has thousands of dedicated subscribers, or Nermies, many of whom will, and did, rush to Omegle to see what it's all about. Luckily, though, a lot of Alex's subscribers seem to be older teenagers, and young adults, all with a decent degree of intellect and internet nouse. So far, then, like a bear snatching at salmon jumping upstream, our paedophillic friends are out of luck. A subscriber that can email a MENSA member with helpful career advice based simply on his blog posts is hardly likely to fall prey of online perverts.

The problem comes, in hordes, with the screaming fangirls. Forgive me for stereotyping, but the typical fangirl seems to be about 12, think Edward Cullen is the very (granted, unliving) embodiment of perfection, and will follow whatever the next internet trend is. No doubt, with their passion for 'randomness' (a concept, according to them, apparently started by Charlieissocoollike), they will less-than-three Omegle, and the chance to act up to people that don't know them.. And that's where our child-snatching friends will have a ball.

Having said all that, I like it, and honestly hope it doesn't conform to meet the demands of the Daily Mail families of the world. Hopefully its user base will continue to be mainly comprised of web-savvy young adults, and so the "peedos that live around every corner!!!!!!!!" won't have a chance to do their illegal thang.

See you on there, stranger.

xo
gb

BEDA the Fifth: Lazy Sunday

2009-04-05T22:37:00.004+01:00

Ah, Sundays. They're ne'er a very fun day.

So that opening line was just a throw away gambit for a rhyme. But it's also true. I like my Saturdays wild and my Sundays lazy and proverbially easy. And today was beautifully so (I always have to think of Bruce Almighty when I spell 'beautiful').

I watched Top Gear on iPlayer and read crappy teenage books (full reviews later this week), and went for a long walk with my Mom. It was nice, and although we argued, we're both now on the same page as far as my future is concerned. :]

Anyways, now I'm talking to 'Stranger' on Omegle (see Nerimon's latest #BEDA vlog if you don't know what it is), and I'm off for a shower, some Who, some Ross, a sleep, and then some cuddles.

Sleep well and have a nice Monday!

xo
gb

EDIT: Sorry this update is so 'Today was Sunday. I was lazy. It was nice.'. I'm just tired (ironically) and I need a shower and a drink, and plus I'm rapidly running out of time to post this. :]
xxxxxx

BEDA Day Four: Managerial Weezes

2009-04-04T21:56:00.005+01:00

Well hallooo!

I'm sorry about the lack of a real post yesterday. I was pushed for time, and as I'd already posted something I didn't think you'd mind. Also I'd quite like to keep it to one post a day, so I can look back and see 'April (30)' and have fond memories. :]

Today was really lovely. I met up with my friend Weezie, who I've not seen in an age. It was great to catch up with her, and abuse her friends, take silly photos, and she also said she'd be my manager if I wanted, when I start touring properly. She already manages a great band called Amity Road, who you should check out, and a couple other bands as well. So all in all it's made of yay!

Two bands I'm really getting into atm are Antony and the Johnsons, who appeared on 'Friday Night with Jonathan Ross' last night, and White Lies, who are quite Joy Division-y. Check 'em out!

Anyway, I'm off to try and make the most of my Saturday night on iPlayer.. Speak tomorrow! :)

xo
gb

BEDA Day Three: You are wonderful and rare

2009-04-03T00:11:00.006+01:00

I hope this makes you as happy as it made me, as I cooked my supper.

Spread some happiness.

Love,

Giles
xox

BEDA Day Two: This is going to be hard

2009-04-02T21:20:00.003+01:00

That's what he said.

This is actually quite a challenge! I'm used to having about a week to think things through and decide what the tone of the update is going to be, and what I'm going to write.. Now I have a day to try and do the same. Eeep!

Anyway, today was alright. So yeah, I accidentally punched and broke a window (in two fewer punches than it takes Jude Law in Alfie ><), and my Dad forgot to turn the oven off and decided to drop me and my ill girlfriend in the middle of nowhere and make us walk miles to catch our bus.. But I also bought a four pack of Bueno for £1:00, have loaaaads of sweets left over from having Amy over, and have a rather large bottle of Lambrini (it's cheap, tastes nice, and makes me tipsy - leave me alone!) to get me through the night.

So yay!

In other news, I now have my (technically my Mom's, but shhh) laptop back, and therefore have Chrome, Twhirl, 4OD and all the other things I missed back, although MSN isn't working, so that's a bit of a bugger. In the mean time, add me on Skype, if you have it/know me/want to chat. Search for Flangel66. :]

The search for BEDA blogs will have to wait until tomorrow!

You be well, bloglovers.

xo
gb

BEDA the First: April Fools

2009-04-01T21:43:00.004+01:00

So here we are! At the beginning, and I'm already quite late. In my defence, I have had the lovely Amy Douken over today, and she's quite distracting. Even now she's sitting behind me, being unnecessarily kind to my dog.

I've decided to have a 'Convo of the Day' section of my BEDA blogs, so that even if I run short of things to say, I can rely on the wit of my friends instead. I'm stealaging this from Alan Lastufka, who is, as they say, made of awesome.

Anyway, today was April Fools, the day when poor humour is out in force. Luckily, I've not actually been subjected to any malformed pranks, but I'm doubtless that the rest of you have not been so lucky, so leave your experiences in the comments!

Anyway, having just rescued at cat from a bungee rope (don't ask!), I'm off to bed. More in-depth blogging tomorrow, when I will be attempting to find as many BEDA blogs as I can.

Don't forget to be awesome, lovelies!

xo
gb

Convo of the Day:
Me: The problem with porn is..
Amy: I dare you to start a blog post with that!
Me: Don't think I will, it's a subject that needs to be covered!

(Okay, so they're not all winning..)

B.E.D.A starts tomorrow!

2009-03-31T15:00:00.003+01:00

Are you excited? I am!

Anyway, 'till then, here's a little something to keep you going:

Allegri's Miserere: (I always forget how many e's and r's!). I woke up to hear this piece echoing through my house this morning. It's chilling, and beautiful, and everything a-cappella music should be (plus I totally sang the uber high bit back when I was still a treble)!

Monty Halls' Great Escape: Apart from the appalling bit of bad grammar in the title ("s'" should only be used with plurals, not with names.. It should be "Halls's"), this is a great show! It's about a very manly bloke, who went up to Scotland to start crofting, and how he fares setting up a self-sufficient life. It's a bit like 'The Good Life' meets 'Ray Mears', and it's fabby. Plus his dog is lovely.

I will see you tomorrow, fair lovelies!
:D

xo
gb

Two Blog Sunday!

2009-03-29T14:59:00.003+01:00

Well hello there.

This will probably be a long, rambley, updatey type post. I know how much you all love the rambles! Anyway, forgive me for its length and any odd feelings it may cause you (if I don't see at least one 'That's what she said' in the comments, I will cry).

As some of you may or may not know, I was cruelly (I kid!) rejected from Goldsmiths. They said, however, in the follow up letter, that they recommended I got more experience playing live and in a band, and then tried again with an early application. As yet, I'm still unsure about the meaning of the 'early application' bit, but it's the 'garnering more experience' part of their recommendation that's really screwing me up.

My reaction to this was to start planning another year out, and travel all kinds of places, learning and playing with other musicians as I went. However, the problem comes when people try and help. I've had a letter (?!?!?!) from my Dad offering me advice, my Mom keeps descending on my piano practices to suggest possible strategies, my brother wants me to telephone Goldsmiths, and as yet, although we've no official message from Gordon Brown, I'm sure we can expect one soon. The fact is, that although well-meaning, all of these opinions are just screwing me up and are making this decision impossible. I know they all really care about me, but if I hear one more 'If you don't mind me suggesting...', I will scream. I'm actually getting close to just quitting music, applying for an English course and resigning myself to becoming a teacher.

Anyway, it's not all doom and gloom! I got a new jumper!

I'm also starting to hate 'JobCenter'. I really appreciate getting the extra financial support that I do, I need it, because for an unexperienced, poorly qualified (in things that matter, anyway), straight-from-school 'writer/musician', getting a job is next to impossible. No shops want staff, I can't use my LifeGuard qualification as they all need verifiable experience, and I'm not supposed to look for jobs more than an hours journey from my doorstep.

However, the way they treat you in the JobCenters just makes you want to give up. They measure your success not on your qualifications, your potential, or any real level, it is simply measured on whether or not you're employed.

Job = Win
Unemployed = Fail.

It's a simple and as ruthless as that. And on top of that, there's the processes and the hoops they make you jump through to get the payment. Normally, it's okayish, you just fill out the sheet they provide you with how you've looked for jobs, make sure you say you've used the government website and it's done. But say you've had a fortnight like I have just passed. I actually worked once, broke down twice, and then my future was thrown into jeopardy. To be honest, the last thing I was thinking about was how to fill up my days, let alone how brilliant the government JobSeekers website is.

I know what you're all thinking, and you're right. For £100 every fortnight, for hardly any work except emailing off my CV, I do have little right to complain. That's why I'm not really complaining. Tomorrow, I will walk into that place, give them my sheet and walk away having done my bit for statisticians. I guess I'm just ranting, really. You okay with that?

Anyways, life isn't all that bad at the moment. Ryan did eventually make it over, and stayed for a few days, which was fun. We got very drunk, spoke a lot of German, and learnt a couple new songs. My [other] brother, Adrian came over yesterday for tea. Was nice to catch up, and see how mature he is now. He's recently changed jobs and seems to be enjoying life a lot more now, which is always good. For those of you that know my parents, the village hall is doing well, and I believe there's a 'Painting Party' of some sort going on today. The committee sends their regards.

That's all from me and 'Two Blog Sunday', really. As you can see here, I'm joining Maureen Johnson and blogging every day this April, so that should be fun. I'm also just starting to use AdSense, so I'm trying to get to grips with that at the moment, so apologies if it's a bit 'in your face' at the moment (although that is, I believe, the point of adverts). Don't judge me for selling out.

Hope you're well, missing all of you tonnes.

xo
gb

Well that was fun.

2009-03-29T14:54:00.000+01:00

If I didn't believe in keeping everything you put in the public eye where you put it, so that people can forever read and judge your mistakes, I would remove that last post. However, I do, and so I won't. However, consider me well and truly proven wrong.

I'm writing this on my Dad's laptop, looking out of the window at a gorgeous summer (can we say 'Summer' yet? Maybe Spring. Has Spring sprung?) day, whilst waiting for my friend Ryan to come over. Due to certain circumstances, I will not be posting this for a while, so when you read this, Ryan should have arrived, merriment will have ensued, and Wizard Rock songs will have been played. Hopefully. He hasn't actually called to say when he's coming yet.

Radio Four just had a play about the disciples of Jesus, which mainly starred northern actors. There's something so special about hearing the Sermon on the Mount being told in a Geordie accent ("The poour shall be furst"). It did, however, have a more serious undertone, in that it simply reinforces the Western ideal that Jesus was a ginger white bloke, with designer stubble and a sexy voice.

It was exactly the kind of thing I love to use Twitter for, apart from the fact that I can't log in to my account. I forgot my password, and all of my attempts to get Twitter to email me the password reset details have been so far, futile. I would encourage all of you to email Twitter and petition them to email me, but I doubt it would help, and hopefully, by the time this goes out, I will be back on and tweeting up for lost time.

Anyway, for the moment, my Dad's laptop is my only form of internet, as mine is still quite dead. He seems to have a pathological phobia of downloading programmes (convinced as he is that everything apart from Internet Explorer and MSN are chock full of viruses), which has the horribly real ramifications of causing me to miss 'Free Agents'. I also miss Twhirl (pointless although it is atm), Chrome, and Skype (granted I never use it, but I like having it on my Desktop). As a result I am throwing myself at iPlayer and YouTube with a renewed energy, and when they let me down (which they do often), I turn to the rather fabby world of blogs. At the moment, I am loving John Green's blog, as it provides me with over three years worth of witty material. However, any other entertaining, free, internet material would be much appreciated.. Link me in the comments.

I can't help but notice that this is quite a disjointed update, and for that I can only apologise, and link you to the 'Waiting for Godot' website, without trying to find a way to seamlessly work it in. It looks bloody fantastic, and I'd love to go see it (not just because I'm a McKellen fanboy). So yeah.. Check it out.

Hope you're all okay, and doing much better than me right now.

Rate, Comment, and Follow!

xo
gb

B.E.D.A

2009-03-28T18:51:00.004Z

As those of you that follow me on Twitter will know, this April I am taking part in 'Blog Every Day April', which was founded by Maureen Johnson. For the clinically stupid this means I'll be writing a blog every day this April. Weekends included.

Activity on my Project Read blog will remain as tragically slow as ever, and for that I make no apologies. Suck it. :P

Also, I am now starting to shamelessly make money from this blog. Whooop!

You be well.

xo
gb

People say friends don't destroy one another..

2009-03-20T00:59:00.004Z

I know there's at least three people that will read this, and think it's aimed at them, so I'd like to point out now something that should become even clearer as we move on. This is not aimed at any one person. If anything, like all my blogs on here, it is really aimed at me.

I've reached one of those stages in life, where a question hangs on your mind so heavily, and of such great importance to you, that the only way you can move forward is to answer it. Not because the answer is important, but because hopefully, in your quest for the truth, you will have developed as a human in some way. Ideally we would change so that the actual outcome of the question proposed becomes irrelevant, but that sort of thing only happens in books.

The question weighing on my mind now, is: 'Is it me?'. Is the reason I feel so neglected (for actual want of a better word) by so many of my friends due to my fallibilities, or is it simply that I've chosen to surround myself with people that just don't care? Now, I understand that I have already placed myself on shaky ground, anyway, simply by questioning the motives and morals of my friends. I'm a twat, you won't like me by the end of this post, let's move past that.

I am deeply insecure. Terribly, disgustingly paranoid, of so many things. My talent (across the board), how I look, how I sound, and how others perceive me. You can blame this on a mental illness if you wish (I do), or you can just call me self-aware. Unfortunately, one of the more shocking aspects of this paranoia is that I find it nearly impossible to believe anyone really likes me. This, it seems, is a self-fulfilling fear, as my insecurities tend to lead to a self-depreciative attitude, that pisses most people right off. Therefore, they don't actually like me. So maybe it is me, and I'm slowly turning all of my circle of friends against me.

But then there is also those niggling little facts, that tend to water the seeds of doubt. The times that I reach out for some reassurance and my hand is slapped away. The times I'm feeling happy and jocular and I'm sarcastically put down. The times I tell my secrets and I hear about them the next day at school.

There are some who would argue that all of these are just parts of friendship. That friends cannot always be there for you, and that taking the piss is just a part of companionship we all must learn to love. I agree, but not at the point of relationship stability. If the laughed-off abuse, or the 'he can fend for himself's are getting too much for the friendship to bear, then something needs to change. Either the jokes need to slow down, or the friendship needs to stop.

Now, I'm not saying I'm black and white the wronged party here. I am, as many, many people will attest to, a cunt. That's not self-deprecation, that's eighteen years of arrogance, ego, stupidity, and a rotten streak that comes with the family name. I don't think there's one person I'm close to that I haven't hurt or angered in some way. In fact, I don't think I'd go so far as to say I'm even a wronged party at all, if you look at everything in context. I probably have it pretty good.

So really, we're back where we started. 'Is it me?'. If it is me, then I can't help but feel that I'm fucked. If it is me, I will never have a close friendship without this thinly veiled layer of pretence, and where I feel that straying even one vowel away from the set path will result in sleepless nights with heavy souls. If it's not me, then I have every right to say if you really are my friend, treat me like one, or fuck off and let me mourn what could have been. And if, as is most likely, it's both of our faults, then maybe I can try harder to believe in myself, in you and us, and you can try and remember that I need a bit more of a structure of happy friendship to lean on before the jokes begin again.

xo
gb

Forgive me?

2009-03-18T15:21:00.003Z

Well hello.

So I realise I've been terribly slack in updating this recently: My bad. I don't really have any excuses, apart from semi-valid mumblings about business, trips to London, and illness. However, I figured that I'm dressed up like an author today, so I might as well act like one.

My guilt was compounded by a good, more-thorough-than-usual perusal of Alan Lastufka's blog. It's one of those blogs where you really want to go back and read from the start, and where you feel all sad when you reach the last entry. There are quite a few really good written blogs like Alan's out there, and Lord knows I love nothing more than a good blog. I'd quite like to compile some sort of shortlist of all of my favourites for you sometime (if I'm feeling really pro-active I may even do it today).

So, as many of you may know, I went to London last week, to present myself to Goldsmiths and show them what I have. I'd pretty much spent all my time leading up to it preparing three recorded demos to show them, and hardly any on my performance, and when it came to it, they wanted more from the performance and only listened to one demo. Lucky, when you consider that one of my demos was a complete rip-off of the Doctor Who theme. Still, the interview went well, and I was able to convince them that I'm not just another 'original' indie spit-out. The interviewer hadn't actually heard the pieces I performed before, which I'm seeing as a positive thing. The group activity wasn't so great, mainly due to overconfidence and thirst to prove myself on my part (how very Slytherin of me), and the faltering confidence of the rest of my group. Hopefully the interviews will even it all out.. Fingers crossed.

The rest of my time in London was lovely. It was really nice seeing Casey again, I've really missed her. Plus, I got myself an Oyster Card, so I don't feel like so much of a tourist anymore. At the end of the week, Amy came down , and we went to go see Patrick Wolf together. Oh, dear lord, was he good. It was easily the best gig I've ever been to, not least because of that unbeatable feeling of seeing your favourite artist and, well, idol do what he does best four metres in front of you. On top of that though, it was a performance the likes of which I'd never seen. He came out in brilliant costumes, slowly each of them stripping off throughout the performances. New songs were interspersed with old favourites, all of which sounded simply amazing. The megamix worked in his favour, as most people seemed to know the choruses to each of the new songs. I think, howvever, that Patrick's going to need a review of his own, so I'll get onto that. I'll probably throw some pictures in too, so I'll grab some off Amy, and I'll see if Jess wants to lend a hand writing it, too. Aside from Patrick it was really nice being in London with Amy. Last time we didn't get much of a chance to see it, so we made up for that by spending lots of time getting lost in Chinatown and Soho.. Always fun! :D

In other, less fabby news, my laptop's broken. Again. I think that this says more about my Dad's trust of eBay than it does about my treatment of my property, although I am the first to admit I give things a bit of abuse. However, it's [hopefully] fixable, and, if not, there's a chance my Medion (my old, old, laptop I had at the beginning of this blog) is.

And finally, after making a big broohaha (you know I love them!) about putting this blog onto Facebook last time, I'm now taking it off. The latest changes they've made has meant that all of the irksome idiots I'm friends with on there can see my every move, whilst I'm informed of all twenty of their inane status updates. The obvious answer to this would be to delete some friends, but I like being popular. So as from now, neither my YouTube favouritings, or my blog posts will appear on my profile. Not until I am once more enamoured with Facebook, anyway.

Hope you're all well.

Rate, Comment, and Follow!
<3

xo
gb

*Edit: I just couldn't get enough links into this, so have a funny sketch!

So yeah..

2009-02-18T13:21:00.003Z

Minor breakdowns + blogging = suck. As some of you may have possibly grasped, that last post is where the 'bi-polaric' aspect of my wanky, pretentious, overly worded description thingy (^) comes into play. I can only apologise.. I am considering medication.

In other news, I've found a nifty little import device that means that this blog is now appearing on my Facebook as a 'Note'. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this. I guess it's good that it means that youse don't even have to shift of your social networking asses to click on my link here anymore ('cos God knows how I hate clicking links, I really do), but I am, in general, not a huge fan on the Facebook 'Note' way of blogging. I think that anything that calls itself a 'Note' (I will cease with the inverted commas now) should be treated as such, as Oscar Wilde said, back when spades were all the rage. Notes are for telling people of impending virus threats, asking your parents to cancel your piano lesson, and quoting Ministry of Magic songs to unsuspecting readers. Not, as Facebook seems to think, for unloading the clothing of the soul (or in my case, 'playing columnist'). However, I will quit complaining and let you read, just as long as you remember to poke me.

Also, as you probably know, Facebook has changed it's Terms of Service, after the big broohaha (I really do love nothing more than a good broohaha) about them claiming possession of all of our shit, which lead to bands, artists, and other copyright needing types to leave in their dozens. So that's nice of them.

New Zealand, however, is still going to be a sucky place to live soon.
Do something about it.

Don't forget to be awesome,
and to Rate, Comment, Follow, and Poke.

xo
gb

Life choice FAIL

2009-02-17T18:01:00.002Z

Why the hell did I choose music? Someone tell me?
'Cos I sure as hell can't write shit, and I'm appallingly bad at guitar considering I've been playing as long as I have.

I would quit, but I've sadly gotten myself into this mindset where nothing else will do, apart from music. Gah.

I think I just need to be back in reality where I can get some affirmation on the worth of my existence. Unfortunately the big thing stopping me going there is my appalling lack of talent in regards to writing music.

Teufelskreis, much?

xo
gb

Singles Awareness and LinkFest 2009

2009-02-16T17:22:00.003Z

Why, harrow!

How are you? I hope you're well, and that you had a happy Valentine's Day (or Single's Awareness Day, as one of my friends wished me), however you chose to spend it. I had a lovely day with the lady; We went to see 'The Curious Tale of Benjamin Button', which was amazing, then went out to eat in the evening (which was the first time I've ever reserved a table in my name), then toasted marshmallows when we got home. I was particularly proud of the fire I made from nothing, especially as I don't get many chances to prove my manliness. :D The whole weekend was rather lovely, really.

So this is really just a short post to update y'all, really. The tickets for Patrick Wolf came through today, which is awesome, and I've just rehearsed 'Teignmouth' to perform at my audition. I'm pretty sure I'm going to perform that, now, just as long as I can get a piano. I'm also pretty busy this week, as I've set myself the challenge of making sure I have all three songs written by Friday, as I've been pissing about and procrastinating. Once they're done, it's into the studio to record, onto Audacity to mix them, then onto my MySpace for you lot, and onto a CD for Goldsmiths.

I've been tagged in hundreds of '25 Facts', and '45 Questions', and a naked vlogging game (which is weird as I don't vlog), and I was gonna do one of those on Twitter and make it all cool and get it to trend and all that shit. But I forgot, so I can't be fucked with that idea now. I might just do one on here sometime this week, if you're lucky.

Also, as some of you may have noticed, my picture on a lot of my sites is just a black screen. This is part of a protest against copyright laws that violent the very basics of human rights, that are going to be forced on New Zealanders in a few days. People are acting out, all over the world, and artists are being encouraged to voice their disapproval. Lots of non-artists are joining the petition, and you can too: Go to CreativeFreedom.org, and join in the protest!

Hope you're all okay.

Please don't forget to follow, comment, or at least rate. That way I have some idea of how many people I'm talking to, or whether it's just me and my ramblings.

xo
gb

Have some links:
Platypus Porno
Monkey racing a greyhound
When BBC programmers take acid
Oh, and Me, Me, Me

Happy Valentines Day!

2009-02-13T23:46:00.000Z

:]
xox
gb

Snowless and Sick

2009-02-06T12:09:00.005Z

But up and at 'em!

So it's been too long since I've updated this, and I apologise. In my (poor) defence, though, a lot has been happening.
The main reason is that I've been offered an interview for Goldsmiths, which is made of Yay!. However, they do want a copy of my creative work, which has meant that I've had to fast forward three pieces I was planning for the album. I've dug out 'Wings of Bacchus', which some of you may know, and I'm re-vamping it with a new name and a violin solo. The other two pieces are in the works, and I've got some promising noises laid down on Audacity. It's great to finally have the motivation, and a reason to write these songs, although it does mean I'm pretty busy atm.

I've also got myself a job! The Winterbourne Hospital (where my Mom works as a nurse) have finally gotten their act together, and have offered me a job as a Ward Waiter (serving food to the patients), which I took, and I am now waiting (again!) for training. I've applied for another job, as a sales assistant for Pampurred Pets, so fingers crossed! All this jobbing means I should hopefully be coming into a bit of money, which is good because...

Patrick Wolf announced tour dates!! So muchos yay! In a stroke of genius on his part, the London date (in a gay club.. Where else, Patrick?!) is the day after my Goldsmiths interview. So I've gotten tickets, and I'm going to see it with the girl and my good friend Jess. So I'm going up on the train on the 10th, interview on the 11th, meeting Amy at the train station on the 12th, then going to queue nice and early for his Wolfy goodness!

So what else? 'Snow!' I hear you shout. Well unfortunately, although I have witnessed many a flurry, driven past hundreds of snowdrifts on the way to my first piano lesson (watch my teacher get his boogie on here), and although my GMail background says I should be bringing snow home on the bus, I've not had the chance to play in any. I overslept the one time it was thick enough here in Moreton, and since then we've just had mush. It's looking promising today though, maybe by the time I've finished this. The other reason I couldn't have gone and played even if I'd had snow was that I've been a bit ill again recently. Amy calls it Man-Flu, but it's really just a bad cold. I've stocked up on tissues, and I'm watching all the various NerdFighter projects to keep me cheerey.

So that's pretty much it, to be honest. I'm using Twitter like mad again, so go follow me on there if you're not already. I'm planning a little something for tomorrow, I'll leave a little teaser link for you at the bottom.

Hope you're all well, and enjoying any snow you may have.

xo
gb

Coming soon..

Down with the Sickness

2009-01-13T00:48:00.004Z

So I was, admittedly, still a bit stoned when I wrote that last entry, and although it wasn't intentional, I paid for it afterwards. The pills I took to try and send me to sleep, did everything but make me dozy, and as a consequence, I woke up early after a fitful nights sleep, stoned and hungry, then felt sick for the rest of the day, which really turned an admittedly already poor weekend into a shocking one. However, I woke up today (and that's another story) and I felt fine, and I still do, which is great, so no serious repercussions from my ill-advised drugs experiment.

Today, however, I woke up at 3:00PM, like I have every day for the last week or two, and seriously, besides all of the 'creature of the night' jokes, it sucks. So I'm going to the doctors, which as anyone that knows me will attest, I hate doing, to see if they can give me some sleeping tablets, or find some way of helping me. No doubt my girlfriend and best friend will both want me to go in for the various other ailments that besiege my broken body, but I think curing the sleep problems I've had since I was 13 is enough to be going on with.

As a parting gift, I present to you SteamPotVille, a book by Steve Ouch. I met Steve on Twitter, and I saw the link to his book. It's aimed at children, and it's amazing, really lovely and all done by Steve himself, which to be honest makes it all even more incredible. As soon as I get some money, it's first on my list of books to buy, and as soon as I do, I'll review it on my ProjectRead 2009 blog. Check Steve's book out here.

Hope you're all well, and not letting the return to college/school/work get you too down.
:]

Please rate, comment, and follow.

xo
gb

Pink Curry, The Raven, and Through the Looking Glass

2009-01-11T09:04:00.002Z

The past couple days have had a surreality of sorts. My sleeping pattern's gone to shit again, and things have just taken on a weirdness that is almost indescribable. This reached a peak this morning, when I woke up, still in a heavily drugged state from the sleeping tablets I took to get myself sorted out, and mooched through the house for something to eat and drink, and saw it in a completely new angle.

I'm enjoying messing with perspective at the moment, as apparently, is my Dad. We had pink curry and green naans for supper last night. Odd. Last night, perusing the internet, I came across some Harry Potter fanfiction and got reading. Before I knew it I was an avid fan, and was bookmarking pages of the stuff. That in turn sparked off an more-than-passing love affair with The Raven, by Edgar Allen-Poe, a poem I knew and loved before, but had never seen in such a beautiful light before.

Now this morning, as I look through YouTube, I came across a comment on a CocoRosie video that got me thinking. The comment was about the surreality of their world, and how their music takes us into that fantasy, and I agree, but I think it's more than that. I'm starting to realise the enormity of the communities we've only half looked into before, and how everything is interlinked, and I'm starting to feel a little bit like Alice as she went down that hole.

So, for the meantime, until my parents stir, I will return my dreamland, and enjoy naivety.

xo
gb

FiveAwesomePodcasts, haircuts, and other propaganda.

2009-01-08T13:36:00.003Z

I thought I'd share some podcasts with you. Almost every podcast I listen to asks me to subscribe, and give them a mention, so I thought I'd do it all together. With the exception of one, all of these podcasts are relative underdogs in the 'casting world, but they're all made entirely of awesome. So check them out.

Vaguely Live Radio
Run by Alex Day (Nerimon) and Jimmy Hill (Jimmy0010), this is a shambolic, Skype orientated Podcast, that's just great to listen to to relax, and have fun. It's funny, but not chaotically so. Subscribe, and enjoy!

TeawithTodd
Another podcast from one of the fiveawesomeguys, this is Todd-tastic. He has such a brilliant, random sense of humour, and has all your favourite YouTube stars on as guests! Don't forget to Rate, Comment, and Favourite - It will make Todd happy!

The Perfect 10: With Phil Jupitus, and Phill Wilding
Phil Jupitus, a welshman, obscenities, a fetching hat, and Stephen Fry. Do you honestly need anything else from a podcast?

Armstrong and Miller: TimeGhost
A sketch show Podcast from the comedian double act. Brilliant if you like a laugh at pompous critics, and equally brilliant to fall asleep to... It's pleasantly soothing.

Stephen Fry's Podgrams
Okay, okay. So it's one of the most popular podcasts on iTunes.. but if you don't get it, you should. Funny, intelligent, and just generally awesome.. There's a reason it's #1.

All of these are also available on iTunes as well, just search for them. The majority of people I know don't use iTunes anymore, so I thought I'd make it easy for you all..

In other news: I got a new haircut, which means I can start work soon, and I'm also considering making a rather big change in lifestyle. For the past few weeks, I've not eaten a huge lot of meat, and anytime I have, it's been in the company of my parents. A recent discussion about vegetarianism, combined with an aptly timed vlog from JohnnyDurham19, and a bit of Twitter propaganda later, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make the change when I get to uni. It just seems like a sensible choice, and a more ethical choice. Comment your opinions below.

DFTBA!

xo
gb

Two websites I found interesting:
Veganise Me
Watch Earthlings

Time to Pretend

2009-01-07T17:39:00.001Z

To put it quite simply -
I heart this song.

Patrick Wolf & Bandstocks

2009-01-07T04:44:00.003Z

Patrick Wolf, my favourite artist in case you hadn't realised, is releasing his next album, Battle, on Bandstocks. Basically this means that he gets to own the rights to his own album (a right not even The Beatles had) and you get a ton of groovy extras when you invest. Plus, if he makes a profit (which he totally will, he's awesome like that...) you get your money back, and then some!!

So yeah, you should totally be as excited about this as I am, and even if you only think Patrick's alright, and you don't mind listening to him, you should still invest... More money and special goodies - What's bad about that?!

The only problem here is that the website, Bandstocks, won't let you invest if you don't live in the UK. However, you don't need to have a UK bank account, so you can just lie as you set up your account, invest, and all will be awesome!

INVEST, INVEST, INVEST!

(Oh, and rate, comment, and follow - It makes me happy!)

xo
gb

Project Read 2009

2009-01-06T14:04:00.004Z

As part of my continued dedication to watch less, read more this year, I've set up a new blog, specifically for what I am now calling 'Project Read 2009'. I'll be doing book reviews, shout outs, and a TV free month, whilst trying to build a community of people who just need a little encouragement to read more.

So check it out, and join in!

xo
gb

Loo Literature

2009-01-05T23:12:00.005Z

As part of my 'Watch Less, Read More' project for 2009, I've decided to take a book into the toilet with me, and read a chapter everytime I need the loo. I will choose a book, and read it solely in the bathroom until I've finished it, then I will start another one. I will make a list over on the sidebar, telling you what book I'm on, and which books I've read.

I'm starting with Catcher in the Rye, by JD Salinger, after I was inspired to reread it by John Green's enthusiastic teaching made me see it in a whole new light.

So come on! Grab a book, and join me!
I'll see you on the bowl!

xo
gb

2009: The Re-Up

2009-01-04T21:25:00.003Z

...As Eminem would have us say.

I must admit how much I hate that the start of each year brings with it new blogs aplenty, fresh columns, and an increase in vlogging, each one filled with obvious remembrancy and false promises by the gallon. But try though I have to beat them, they just keep on coming, so I figured ThisModernLove would have to follow the crowd.

Generally, I don't do resolutions. I tend to joke about them, and come up with something I should probably change in my life, and that is about the extent to which they amount. This year started in much the same vein. As we all sat around the table eating cheese and port, to the sound of our host's mother cleaning the vomit out of his jeans, I proudly announced that 2009 was the year I would finish my album. I stand by that vow, and I fully intent to keep that 'resolution'.

However, I've recently started to change my outlook a bit. With the help of John and Hank Green, and all those at the Ning, as well as all of the amazing work that has come out of two brothers' crazy New Years idea, I've begun to realise that what you get out of life is directly commeasurate to the amount you put into it. So really my resolution this year is to do more, and get involved. There are some fantastic things going on in this world, and it's so easy to get involved, but I have this rather annoying habit of finding a million and one reasons not to, and reasons to wait until it's too late.

But with Obama entering the White House, Patrick Wolf promising a new album, and The Big Fat Quiz of 2008 being devoid of the Goth Detectives, it would seem that 2009 is the year of change. To that end, I will endevour (and you can pick me up and remind me of this) to:

- Watch less, read more
- Take every chance I get
- Update this more frequently
- Post something on YouTube
... and finish the album.

Generally: 'Do more'.
Hopefully I won't look back at this in summer with a tinge of guilt and regret, but a pride that I've started to take steps in the right direction.

Also..
I'm going to stop my relentless advertising for this blog; A bulletin on MySpace, and a link on Facebook, and word of mouth will now be all you'll see. However, I do like to feel I'm not wittering to myself, so if you like what you read, follow me, and reccomend me to your friends. Comment and rate as well. It'll help me write more if I know there's a point to it, and comments and ratings help a blogger feel wanted!

Best wishes!

xo
gb

So Here We Are... Again.

2008-11-30T09:54:00.003Z

So my UCAS application has been completed, filled out, and I used my mom's credit card to pay the £7 to send it off to Goldsmiths for application. I'm scared. Shit scared. I've done this before, so it's old hack to me, I guess, but this time it's different. This time if I get rejected, that's it. Game over, find something else to do. So now I'm just playing the waiting game.

I'm four songs into the album, including a rather lovely number about sitcom romance. The songs are coming easier than I though they would, which is probably just due to not having written in a while. It might be a bad sign, but I'll wait until the intense self-doubting stage of compostion stage of writing before I confirm this. I've also started work on a sketch show, as well as a stand up show. The sketch show will probably never get picked up, unless I do, and the stand up is really just in case I go somewhere were improvisation just won't do, as I generally prefer going with what comes to me on the roll.

So I guess creatively, things are looking up. Which is good as my insomnia is going into overdrive, and I'm really starting to long for the city. Listening to Bloc Party brings back all the memories, sights, sounds and the feel of the cold London air on my face. I miss Berlin, too. I wanna go back to Kreuzberg, and see the East Side Gallery again. Inner city beauty.
My sleeping problems aren't helped by the baby wailing 24/7 in the room next door to mine. I will never understand my neighbours decision to put a 1 year old next to an 18 year old, but what can you do? What indeed can you do, apart from turn the speakers around so their pointing towards said baby, and play the theme music to The Magic Roundabout.. Sweet dreams with that psycho music, kid!

xo
gb

P.S - Whilst searching for The Magic Roundabout I came across this rather charming remix. It's just a couple of days older than me!

P.P.S - Hi! To my one follower.. Thanks for being all nice and clicking 'Follow'.
:D

Follow me.

2008-10-31T20:03:00.002Z

So apparently, after my extensive advertising, this blog is starting to get some notice. So I don't have to clog the internet with needless spamming everytime, you can follow me. If you look down the bottom of the right hand column, there's a little box entitled 'Followers'. At the moment, I don't have any, (poor, poor, me) but you can change this! With just one click, you can support me, and get all my blogs without having to search for me.
Good news all 'round!

Xo
gb

Then they hit you with the Rescue Blues..

2008-10-30T17:41:00.002Z

I'm in a wierd place right now. It feels like I'm okay, but everything around me is collapsing. That may not necessarily be true, but that's how it feels. As far as I know, I'm not depressed, and I'm not facing any mania. I'm 'content', if you will. However, the world around me seems to be far from content. Loved ones are having problems, some don't seem to be talking to me anymore, and others can't get online to talk to me, or to perv on 'House'. Mentally, I'm in a very wierd place - facing, as I am, for the first time, having to depend on no one, but myself.

I think the fear of this may be what's causing this sudden awareness of the failures of the world around me. I watched a video for 'Change' by the Budweiser guys, which brought me right down, and made me want to flee this doomed planet. Perhaps it is merely a sudden bout of realism I am facing. Those of you that know me, will be aware that one of my biggest fears is that I'm just in a barn, having one big schizophrenic episode.
In a way, I've recently come face to face with this fear, realising that all my ambition, ego, and inflated opinion of myself may not just be arrogance, but in fact just a manic delusion brought about by my bi-polarity. I'm considering getting help, so allay this fear, but I'm not sure. Maybe it's a good thing? I did a bulletin today that asked me: "Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you will get it?". I answered 'No', but what if it's true. Maybe my delusions/arrogance will eventually be the force to get me up, and achieving my dreams - Something I'm lightyears away from at the moment.

So many questions, so few answers, and a whole dose of realism. Combine that with isolation from my friends, an increased dependance on the family I loathe so deeply, and I guess I'm bound to be in a wierd place. I guess the only thing to do, is fight through it.

Love you all..

xo
gb

A little bit conned...

2008-10-20T15:50:00.003+01:00

So I've just got back from a weekend away, at my uncle's house in Sussex, and I can't help but feel a little bit robbed.

I was originally going to stay at home, or at least stay in Dorset, whilst my parents went away for a long weekend to celebrate their 27th Anniversary. I didn't have much planned, but with the £20 I was going to get I was going to either purchase vodka and sleeping pills, or other mind-alterating substances, and escape reality for a few days. Either that or pester friends online, ans work my way through yet more Jeeves and Wooster (I'm on a Stephen Fry binge atm.. Even more than usual). However, after a small incident involving Whisky, The Libertine, and shedloads of tears on Wednesday night, my parents decided that it was unsafe to leave me alone and invited/forced me along with them for the weekend, with the promise of alcohol, guitaring, lots of personal space, and a beach to myself. So, reluctantly at first, but eventually with enthusiasm, I agreed (despite the necessary arrangements having already been made).

Friday, for me started early, packing my bags at 6:00 in the morning, having been up since 2:00pm the previous day. I must admit, it was lovely. Chatting to Casey (the only other person to have such insanely stupid sleeping habits as me), packing my bags, then boiling a pot of tea, sipping out of a cup and saucer, watching the foggy sunrise, reading Pullman, and listening to Ghost Song on repeat. Eventually my parents awoke, my mother at first, then my gargantuan father from his dark, dank lair, and we were off! I expected to sleep in the car, but due to a fantastic soundtack, chosen by me, I fell not into the arms of Morpheus, and spent the rest of the day pepped on Pro Plus. My uncle's house at first provided everything I expected of it, and wine, food, and coversation flowed merrily, and I as I collapsed into bed ridiculously early, at 8:00 in the evening, I felt sure I'd done good leaving home.

However, this is when things started to take a downward turn. My father, who has long openly admitted to his disappointment of my achievements, seemed to be trying to copy me. I don't like my Dad at the very best of times, and watching him imitate everything I do, and decide to buy every little thing that my uncle posesses, drove me to the edges of my sanity. He started using long, contrived sentances, elevating his language, and seemed to be constantly seeking laughter. Then he started talking about how "he's joining Giles these days, neither of us can sleep at all", implying that me and him have a) anything in common, and b) various midnight adventures. He started going on about his love for Patrick Wolf, and understands why he has the "huge following he does". However, I have coped with my Dad for 18 years now, and I was not going to let his continued presence in my life ruin my weekend.

The sudden appearance of my other uncle (Andy), and his smarmy, false, bitch of a wife, on Sunday, however did nothing to alleviate my woes. Brief though it might have been, nothing grates my gears like middle class whinging, especially about the state of the education system, especially an hour solid of it. I was also, for the fifth time, asked about my future in front of my parents; An uncomfortable topic, as I have yet to divulge my plans, which I am doubtless they will dissapprove of, and an annoying one, as my mother tends to patronisingly mention my musical ambitions, and then unload all of her expectations upon me. It was particulary grating as well, as my cousin, Andy's son, is currently doing exactly what I want to do next year. This would be a good thing, had my uncle not mentioned his son's activities to my parents, meaning my parents are now researching and pushing me toward the very things that I've already researched and chosen.

In the end, it was never that bad. It was nice to see my uncle, I do love him, and he's by far my favourite relative after my brother. In itself, the weekend was good - Walks, alcohol, and his sweeeeet guitar (a real joy to play). But in comparison to the care and woe-free escape I was promised, and what I could have achieved had I stayed home, it fell far short of expectations. The journey back was particulary hellsome, when a well meaning comment from my mother sent me into a spiral of disrepair and depression, when she simply asked when I was going to start writing songs again.
I can't help but feel that I need another break. A real one, where I can work, away from the destructive and disgusting corruptive influences of my father. Methinks when work comes, and money starts a-flowing, a trip to Cornwall, Paris, or Berlin is needed.

Much love.

xo
gb

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

2008-10-13T20:44:00.003+01:00

Okay, so.

Without a laptop, any music, any friends (bloody uni) and without, it seems, a job, I am in somewhat of a dark place right now. I have however finally remembered what my password was, and made a few changes on here. The creative juices have apparently fled my body, almost like rats leaving a sinking ship, or Bill Bailey leaving commerical TV. As such I am pretty much fucked until I either get myself sorted out, or until the mania comes again.
In response to this, the essay like posts of this blog in history will no longer be the norm. I haven't actually decided on any sort of norm as yet, but I suspect that, like me, it will be a mish-mash of various things. Some pretentious mind-wanking 'blessays', some mundane self-absorbed diary entries, and a couple cool links. I cannot, however, vouch for the regularity, or sanity of my further blogs.

At the moment I'm struggling to find myself a job. The plan is to get some money for the time being, then jet off to work with a resort (Mark Warner, for example) in somewhere nice like Greece or Turkey, pulling pints and entertaining the residents. Then, with as much money as I can get crammed into my britches, I will be off around Europe, armed with a guitar and a fabric shelving system (Thanks go to my Godmother, for keeping me organised), to return to England sometime in 2010, with some sort of idea as to what I want to do university wise. That is, of course, if I haven't been snapped up by a major record label, who simply love me.

Peace out.

xo
gb

New posts, podcasts, and news!

2008-05-19T01:39:00.003+01:00

Hey all!

I'm back - and in the thick of A2 exams! Bad times! Wrote a letter of complaint that I thought might interest y'all, so I put it up on here. Sorry it's taken so long to put anything up, but I've only just got my laptop back up.

So as you can see from my revised profile, I've got my uni choices sorted out... as well as my plans for the next year! Hopefully (grades dependent) I'm going to Kingston to read Music. I can do a lot of popular music on this course, but I can also take conducting in my final year, which is something I've always wanted to do. The more observant of you out there will have noticed that this week Kingston was in the news, having fixed their rankings. Apparently they told students "If you think something's a four... give it a five!". I might have to get some T-Shirts made up for Fresher's Week with that in mind!

Before that though, we have the European tour... Just me on my onesome, and whoever will come along and visit. You're all more than welcome! I'll be staying in France, probably around gay Paris from November until Christmas, then returning to see the folks, then off heading eastward, until I re-enter the UK, in the north, from Norway. It should be fun... I've got an EP's worth of material ready, just need a bit more.

In other news - Giles passes his Grade 8 singing with Distinction! Whoop whoop! After only three weeks of training, so I'm a bit chuffed. The 'rents are getting me a baritone ukulele as a well done present, and I've already ordered the accordion for my birthday. Jack of all trades I might well be, but I'll at least look cool!!

I should also, hopefully, be including podcasts within the foreseeable future. It will include something a bit like this, some clips of any performances I've done, and maybe a song if you're lucky. Check them out when I get them up!

I do often wonder who looks at this. I think it's unlikely I have any dedicated followers, but if there is anyone out there clinging to my every word, please comment me, or message me to let me know. Indeed, even if you're just passing by, please feel free to comment, to let me know what you think of it. Would be nice to know who I'm talking to!!

Hope you're all ok.

Wish me luck with the A-Levels...

Peace Out

A Little Ignorance is a Dangerous Thing

2008-05-19T01:23:00.003+01:00

Dear Sir or Madam,

I was surprised when I read your article entitled ‘No Child is Safe’ (15/05/08). My surprise was mainly due to your blatant ignorance of both a journalist’s duty to inform correctly, and of how to maintain any grip on reality as you publish the garbage you call news. As I peruse the daily issues day after day, as reported in your fascist tabloid, (it is provided through my school – I would never spend money on such rubbish) I am filled with despair that as your fanatical paper gets more and more widely read, the average degree of intelligence, wisdom, and integrity falls lower and lower.

You open the report with a story provided by the parents of poor Hannah Bond. I mean no ill will to the family of this poor schoolgirl, but might I suggest were my parents as out of touch with my lifestyle as Hannah’s obviously were, I would struggle to stay happy and not to ‘give up’. I cannot say how much of what the Bond’s report is actually true, and what is fallacy made up by yourselves, the parents, or the child, but I can deny the accuracy of the report.

Your opening paragraphs describing ‘emo’ are riddled with mistakes. Blink 182, one of the bands mentioned, broke up before being emo became popular, and their songs rarely, if anything mentioned (never mind ‘promoted’) death. “Does My Breath Smell?”, “Romeo and Rebecca”, and “I Like Your Hair” are just some of the many trivial and light hearted songs the band wrote – hardly filled ‘with emotional lyrics’. You then went on to describe a wrist slitting ‘initiation ceremony’, as if it was just another way to join a cult. This does nothing but cheapen the pain that many neglected and hurt children go through, and the only outlet they can find that will perhaps bring them some care.

In fact, cheapen and lie is all your article really does do. Some of the inaccuracies you publish are astounding. Apparently Hannah Bond:

“Secretly chatted online to emo followers all over the world, talking about death, and of the ‘black parade’ – a place where emos believe they go to after they die.”

I can hardly believe she chatted to emo’s “all over the world” as the majority of these children, are shy, introvert, and hardly likely to address strangers in other countries. However, giving you the benefit of the doubt, I then read that emos believe they join the ‘black parade’, after death, as opposed to the more conventional afterlife. ‘The Black Parade’ was an album by ‘My Chemical Romance’, one of the bands mentioned earlier in your article. The idea of a black parade comes from singer Gerard Way, but is nothing more than an interesting lyric, and an interesting ponderance of death. They may well be talking about the Black Parade, but unless these children are as ill educated as some of your other articles (and indeed the average quality of the writing within The Daily Mail) would indicate, they do not believe they go there after death.

By this time, I was angered beyond belief, but, before relegating the paper to it’s rightful home in the bin, I carried on, hoping in vain, and against my better knowledge and experience of The Daily Mail, that the article would redeem itself. It did not. You carried on, making generalisations, inaccuracies, and generating pure lies until the very end. It seems as if the article was written by a ‘hoodie’ or a ‘chav’ – one of the many other young victims of The Daily Mail’s relentless campaign to distress, and to stir up hatred. The worst crime emo’s seemed to have been accused of is being emotional, and revelling in self-pity. Might I remind Tom Rawstorne, in his ignorance, that some of Britain’s most popular poetry was composed by a contingent of young people that did just that: The Romantic’s. In fact, a cursory glance across many of Keats’s poems reveal more emotional words, and more death-laden meanings than many emo bands can ever hope to achieve. Should we ban these? Is Ode to a Nightingale ‘deeply unhealthy’?

It seems your radical report on the state of young people in today’s society was typical of your shoddy journalistic style. Angry about something you know nothing about. I am not an emo, nor do I defend them. They annoy me, as they do many people. But they are not dangerous. They are not unhinged, and they are certainly not suicidal head cases like you make them out to be. By fuelling an argument against a style that has done, and will continue to do, no harm, the young children quoted in your article, demean depression, and also those that must turn to others, and other’s music to help them.

Once again The Daily Mail is guilty of producing a sub-standard article, in a sub-standard paper that fuels racism, fascist views, and incites hatred of all that is different. You cater to the ignorant, and the fearful, and knowingly take full advantage of the trust they place in your columns, opinions, and articles. As the ‘Daily Newspaper of the Year’, you have a duty to inform the country, and promote ideas of equality, righteousness, and morality, instead of writing down the populist, anti-government, anti-immigration, anti-capitalist shite that you moan about over breakfast.

Yours sincerely,

Mr G. Baggott

Click here to see the offending article...

Viruses and Apologies

2008-03-07T09:54:00.004Z

Hello all!

Really sorry about the delay in the next column coming out. I know you're all waiting on tenterhooks. I've been particularily busy of late, poor excuse though it is, and today I was given the news that my most prized possession - my laptop - fell foul of some computer virus named Tumblebug. It would have destroyed my motherboard if they hadn't found it replacing my DVD drive. Unfortunately it was too late to save the hard drive and subsequently I have lost everything - Music, iTunes, Blogs, Photo's, Coursework, and Lyrics.

And, being the fool I am - None of it is backed up.

On the plus side though - King Blues' album should be coming through the post today. =D

Much love, and hope you're all well.

XO
GB

The news is bleak !!!!! I sat down and checked your laptop and they have
put in a new processor, motherboard, memory and DVD drive. I telephoned
them today to ask if they took a copy of the hard drive and I spoke to
the actual mechanic who repaired your LT. He said the main trouble can
be traced to the motherboard as you had a clone virus installed on your
hard drive which started to corrupt the motherboard, then memory and
finally disabled the ability for you to back up your system files. I
assume you found this out when you tried to back up on your pen
drive???? All in all your machine would have collapsed in about 4 weeks
and all you would know about it would be the message on your screen
saying Tumblebug has struck. I have checked with AVD and they say that
their virus checker can pick up Tumblebug at the time of infection but
once it gets into the registry it is just a matter of time before it
destroys your machine. Median did indicate that they did consider
charging us for the repairs but as the key and DVD failed they accepted
the liability under guarantee. Their advice - run the virus checker at
least once a week. Sanitise and Immunise your LT weekly and make sure
the updates are installed. Finally they assumed you backed up your LT
each day - is this correct? I suspect not as I don't either, but I shall
from now on. Not the news you wanted. I am sorry about all your stuff
but this is a horrendous learning curve for all of us.

RIP Excess

2008-01-25T23:17:00.000Z

I miss the good old days. Not that I was alive to experience them, but I hear they were pretty good: Free love, drugs on tap, and no annoying government ministers or jumped up pastry chefs telling us how to run our lives, or care for our bodies. It appears that now you can’t even chew gum, without a government warning declaring that excessive consumption may cause diarrhoea. Whilst the innocence surrounding drugs disappeared quickly, smoking has gradually changed from a sociable habit, to a social faux pas, and is now the equivalent of waving a large banner reading: ‘Judge me! I’m a reckless fool!’ above your head. Long gone are the days when people looked up to the libertines of their era, shooting several boatloads of pure heroin into their foreskin, going onstage, insulting the crowd’s mothers, then dying halfway through an attack on the monarchy. Nowadays, a band looks out of place if they’re not wearing a crisply ironed tuxedo. Artists that check into a clinic can safely say goodbye to their career, and get ready for a lifetime of writing books titled : ‘Me and Charlie -Overcoming Addiction.’, as the only way to sustain their escalating and publically ongoing habit. People today are more concerned about their health than ever, to the extent that the front page of the widely- read Daily Racist for the last month has been about the poor victims of a virus that is, essentially, jumped up food poisoning.
So it seems that we have kissed goodbye to rock ‘n’ roll excess, a lamentable fact that will be lost on the conservative world of today. But, to the unhappy few, that long for the days where you weren’t supposed to be able to see your date through the smoke filled air of the pub, this is a real cause for mourning; black armbands and all. For it forces the person to experience reality, in all its injustice and pain. It removes the stabilizers, and takes away the mattress, meaning that when you fall, you fall hard. By clearing the smoke, it forces you to see that the shapely figure you were surveying, is marred by a hideously disfigured face. To this small band of buggered it means that finally, we have to actually feel pain, as opposed to listening about it in songs, and dreaming about it in opium-fueled stupors. I can’t say this for certain, but I’m pretty sure that you’ll find that there are more suicides per year today, then there were back in the days when cocaine was offered as an hors d’oeuvre. Simply because people nowadays are rapidly running out of ways to comfort the pain of living.
Now I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that we (most of us) have more mature attitudes to drugs, alcohol and sex, or that we have less overdoses per year, better treatment for addicts and better knowledge of the dangers of using and sharing. Of course it’s not. It would be akin to claim that it’s a pity we broke off the Holocaust. But what I am saying is that we, all of us have room for a little more excess in our lives, and time for a few more vices. Life is bloody hard to get through without some sort of support, and so, the next time you see a drunk staggering home from the pub, or see some teens having a crafty joint in the park, don’t be so quick to judge. Because a decade or two earlier, or in different situations, that could’ve just as easily been you.

Life

2007-12-15T04:01:00.000Z

Why do we do it? Why do we put ourselves through pain, day after day?
We’re born, we grow up, and go through the daily stress of education, until we get a job and work our fingers and souls to the bone, to get money. But then we die. We cannot take our money with us, and in death we are all ignorant, so why the stress of earning and the torture of education? There is no answer, yet, as a race, we are searching for this answer on a daily baisis. We all have our own opinions about the purpose of life. Some say it is passion, some that it is about enjoyment of life, and some say love. To these people I ask, why do we send our children and loved ones to school and work? Let them stay and enjoy passionate love. Some say we should work hard, and make some difference to the world. To them I say is not the creation of life, unjust and unfair as it may be, difference enough? We play god on a nightly basis, creating life, ignorant of the consequences to that new being. Unaware that we are bringing something innocent, beautiful and perfect into a flawed, unfair and fundamentally evil world.

But it is not the human race that is flawed, unfair and evil. Parts of it, certainly, but not all. No. It is life itself. Life is, as they say, a bitch. It watches us as we go about our daily lives, and gets its kicks every time we trip up. Every time things go against us there has to be someone enjoying it. It doesn’t matter how you look at life. If you look at life with a negative view, it will catch you out, and break you. If you change, it will try to turn you, and delight in your inability to help yourself. There has to be someone enjoying it. There must be, because if there is no sadistic higher being, no masochistic spirit of life, then we are simply struggling against our own incompetence. There are no obstacles being thrown at us, no hurdle set in our way. Our own failings are what make life so hellishly difficult to endure. Perhaps it would be easier if humans had no control over our own lives, if we were slaves to a higher race, who did not share our flaws.

But then, if there is no malevolent deity, who is it that kicks us when we’re down? It is easy to trip up, and always hard to get back up. Usually because there is something holding us down. Surely it is not incompetence alone that prevents us from improving our chances in the rat race? Surely there is some reason why humans as a race find it hard to make any progress at all, until those breakthrough moments when it seems no one is looking. I have no answers, and as far as I can tell, neither does anyone else. Every religion has its deities, of whom they seek the answers, but perhaps they simply believe because they wish to absolve themselves of their own failings. It is always easy to believe that things are not our fault, and that our flaws were put there on purpose, as part of a higher plan, especially so when someone creates a higher being to pin the blame onto. But no one really has the answers.
We are in fact so clueless that a large portion of the world believes the meaning of life is a number, and that we are just searching for the question. We will always be clueless, and that, above all else, is our main problem.